Lovesick: Book 2

Special Chapter

Special Chapter
Marvin

To be a teenager is like being torn from having a young body but a maturing soul.

They say that this is the stage where it is best to explore, to try new things, and to evolve because at this stage, our mistakes are always insignificant... or maybe almost.

Pwedeng sumubok ng mga bagong bagay, pwedeng maglakas loob para magkamali, at pwedeng makabangon ulit dahil ang lagi nilang sinasabi, bata pa kami.

But I always disagree with this. Pakiramdam ko ay nakatapak ako sa isang malawak na salamin, isang pagkakamali ko lang ay mababasag ko ito. I believe that this stage is the hardest, my defining moment to know what I should plan to do with my life.

Plans during college, plans in joining more tennis tournaments hoping I'll get more scholarships, and then here comes after college, then law school, passing the bar, and then finally becoming my dream to be an attorney.

Pero kahit saang sulok man ako humanap ng mga kasagutan kung papaano ko iisa-isahin ang mga planong ito, parang may humihila sa akin na dapat dahan-dahanin ko lang ang lahat.

It's like a reminder that I should not be rushing things, while I am overthinking everything that this is the perfect time to rush things... because maybe, the faster I can get there will be the faster I can finally rest.

Davienne is my reminder. He reminds me to breathe in and breathe out, and that we should be taking things slowly.

Kaya naman, sa pagsampa namin sa kolehiyo, natuto kaming subukan lahat. Well... for now at least for him.

The first night when he started full drinking that he ended up being drunk. Mabuti nalang talaga at kasama niya sila Avan para umalalay sa kaniya. He doesn't remember pretty much the drunk calling part, and until now, he still don't believe me whenever I tell him this story.

"Nasaan ka na ba?" Gising ako buong gabi, naghihintay sa tawag niya, pero ang boses ko ay paos na.

[Outside. Nasa garden... Hinihintay ko na lang si Van...] I can almost hear the music from his background.

"Mmmh, okay..." I was trying to hold my laughter after realizing this is the second time hearing him almost drunk wasted. Gusto ko siyang puntahan pero I don't want to become overly protective of him. Para kasing masasakal ko na siya sa relasyon namin kung sa bawat galaw niya ay nandoon ako. "Don't hang up, kausapin ko pa si Van, hmm?"

He didn't care about what I said. [Love? Are you still there?]

It's been five seconds. "Mmh-mmh?"

[Let me tell you a secret...]

"About?"

[Promise, hindi mo ipagkakalat ha?]

"Hmm..." Now that made my heart pound to my chest. "I promise."

[Did you know that...] his voice became tinier. [... my boyfriend is so beautiful. Shh— don't tell him I told you that ha—]

Hindi ko napigilan ang pagtawa ko. "Promise, no one will know," pagsakay ko sa utos niya.

[Just a random thought. Ano kayang itsura namin sa past life namin? Like... anong kayang itsura mo?] Now he's confused who is he talking to. To me? To his imaginary boyfriend? To himself?

"I guess we'll never know."

[Like, if past life is real and other universe is existing, ilang mukha kaya ang kagaya ko? Ilang mukha rin kaya ang kagaya mo? Would we all be the same?]

Tumatakbo na naman ang creative writing mind niya. I think it's the alcohol that is twisting him from imaginations after another.

[If we move to another lifetime, would you still recognize me?]