Lovesick: Book 2

24

Chapter 24
The Promise

Sometimes, I do see my insecurities like a reflection of waves from my mirror. Minsan kalmado ito na aking pinagmamasdan sa salamin, pero kung minsan, hindi ko kontrolado ang alon nito sa aking katawan.

Tinititigan ko ngayon ang aking sarili sa salamin ng aking restroom. I'm trying to measure from my memory kung gaano nga ba ako pumayat the last time that Rome saw me.

Maybe dahil sa pagpupuyat? Kumakain naman ako ng maayos, but not consistent, kasi 'yung taong laging namimilit sa akin na kumain ay busy na rin sa kaniyang training at academics.

Speaking of him, kumatok si Marvin sa bukas na pintuan nang pumasok sa aking kuwarto. Agad kong pinatay ang ilaw ng restroom at sinalubong siya ng halik.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing," I tried to deny what I was looking but it seems too obvious how my face looks worried right now.

"Tell me," sinandal niya sa aking ang kaniyang ulo dahilan para mapahiga kami sa aking kama.

"Pumayat ba ako?"

Napaangat siya para kilatisin ako. "Hmm?"

Sa tagal niyang sumagot alam kong aasarin niya nga ako. "Tsk, never mind."

"What?" Tumatawa na siya, "you look fine, love, even if you gain weight or lose a ton, you're still fine."

Hinawakan niya aking aking diyan at saka niya inangat ang shirt ko. I felt his cold lips touching my skin. I love it when he's this clingy.

"Marv..." I stopped him.

"Sorry," he kisses me one last time.

"No, don't be. May gusto lang akong sabihin."

Ibinalik niya ang kaniyang ulo sa aking dibdib. "About?"

Ngayon na ako nagkalakas ng loob matapos ang ilang linggo na pagkukumbinsi sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko na aminin ito sa kaniya.

"About our sex."

We both leaned on my wall so we can see each other. I hold my smile when he read what I am trying to say before I could even say a word.

"I know." He said.

"I'm sorry— I do love the sex, I love you, but, I feel like we're getting too fast,"

"Shh— don't be sorry, it was kinda my fault to lead you—"

"You didn't, ginusto ko rin 'yon. I wanted to do it with you and I never regretted it. It's just that, it hurts,"

I think it's too vulgar to admit that his size was also a major thing why it hurts so I try to avoid giving reasons. His thingy can't be changed. I can only learn how to handle it and give pleasure to both of us.

"I should be sorry that I made you feel this way,"

"Don't. Ayaw ko lang talaga na, you know, make sex as just a fun sexualized thing na baka kapag nasanay tayo, our relationship might be less genuine."

"Of course it won't be. I want to do it if you want to do it as well. Gusto kong mag-explore pero gusto ko ikaw ang kasama. Ikaw lang."

Niyakap ko siya at saka kami nag-nap ng dalawang oras. He ordered some healthy foods, salad, meat, and juice, saka kami nanuod ng series. Wala rin kasi sila Mama ngayon dito sa bahay kaya dito na rin siya matutulog since alam namin na busy na naman siya next week at baka hindi na naman kami makapagkita.

Speaking of his training, he got this big upcoming tournament in which he'll play under sponsorships. Hindi niya sa akin ipinapahalata 'yung kaba niya, pero I can really tell he is nervous.