Lovesick: Book 2

08

Chapter 8
Bloom of Honesty

As I listen to one of my fellow book club members, I can't help but to think about the idea of how it is a waste not to write every idea and plot that flows inside head.

Nagpapaliwanag at nag-uusap sila tungkol sa diskurso ng librong ipinabasa sa amin last month, habang ako naman ay nag-ddisassociate sa group.

Since midterms was over, I finally had the time to continue writing Sunburn Summers. Indeed, writing needs high motivation. Lately, mas napapadalas ang pagsasama namin ni Marvin hindi lang dahil sa pagpunta ko sa mga training niya pero dahil na rin mas kailangan niya ngayon ng mas malakas na emotional support system.

But I stare to the book that we've read, an old historical fiction that encapsulates discrimination and abuses to women from that era, my mind was suddenly overruled with the idea of how many writers have so many stories they can't publish because they never had the chance to finish it.

May mga punto talaga na umaapaw ang utak ko ng mga ideya pero hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula. It's not a creative burnt out, more like an advanced exhaustion from the depletion of ideas that was never even written on papers just yet.

Now, I get to appreciate more every book that I could see whether it be in new bookstores or in second hand thrifted one, because that means those books were made for sacrificing the countless books that the author never written.

It's another weird observation I had that I brushed away to focus back again to the discussion.

"Politics will always be influenced by patriarchy and sexism," we all agreed to Anne.

"Care to elaborate?" Napatingin sa akin si Rina na dahilan din para mapatingin sila sa akin.

"I agree." I try to fix my thoughts and construct a proper sentence from how I just disassociated earlier.

Tumayo ako ng mas maayos, hawak pa rin ang libro, at saka ko pa lalong nilakasan ang boses ko.

"The falling of her character after that build-up in the climactic event led me to believe this more—that women, no matter how accomplished and competent they are in our society, they will always kill them by fake rumors and created stories while ignoring the facts and actual receipts of men. They will rather crucify the country by placing a man with a dirty history than a woman who'll show them the truth and reality. Indeed, politics will always be influenced by patriarchy and sexism."

Kusa lang lumabas ang mga ideyang ito sa akin. Sa gilid, nagkatitigan kami ni Van na mahinang ipinapalakpak ang kaniyang mga daliri na parang mga bata.

I didn't smile or look back again. Galit pa rin ako sa kaniya.

Pero hindi pa rin matatapos ang araw na ito nang hindi kami magkakausap dahil may meeting pa kami sa KULAY.

"May tampo ka pa rin?" Nakabuntot lang siya sa likuran ko habang sabay kaming naglalakad sa field papunta sa kabilang building.

"Oo, kaya 'wag mo muna akong kausapin, nag-iinit dugo ko sa'yo,"

"May regla ka pa rin ba?"

"Van!" Itinulak ko siya nang subukan niyang dumikit sa akin.

Pareho kaming nakarating ng maaga sa office at hanggang sa magsimula ang meeting ay magkatabi pa rin kami.

Bea being our President, started reminding us our role during the upcoming event that will be held in Manila in the upcoming weeks. It's a sponsored event together with other university queer organizations all over NCR participating in this partnership for the Women's Month including AIDS and HIV Awareness.