Behind Her Shadow

Chapter 19

Maria Adelaida's POV

"Do you want to lose your scholarship?"

That was the very first thing she ever said when we entered her office. The way she held my forearm, the way her brows furrowed, the way every breath she breathes out seemed to be heavy, they were all signs that she was mad.

She didn't just seemed mad. She was furious. Iba 'to sa normal niyang reaksyon. Iba 'to sa everyday mood niya. She was so enranged her breathing's so loud and heavy.

That's when I knew I was stuck.

I just don't know where exactly. Is it because I've been very busy that I wasn't able to accompany her like a personal assistant I should be, or is it because she saw me doing something I swear I never did.

I wanted to tell I wasn't doing it. Totoo naman kasi. Hindi ko naman sinubukan. Ni hindi ko inilapit sa bibig ko, kaya sobra-sobra ang kabang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Kasi nagagalit siya. Nagagalit siya sa akin. At alam kong ngayon, mali siya ng intindi sa sitwasyon na naabutan niya, but it was never my intention to let me see that way.

She said she trusted me...

Did I break that?

I never wanted to lose the trust she have to me that she've already built in herself. No. I don't want that. Ngayong unti-unti na siyang nagbubukas ulit ng pinto para sa ibang tao, ayokong mawala agad 'yung tiwalang nabuo na niya.

Not when she hates someone dishonest. I knew she hates someone dishonest—and I never want to be that someone. She wouldn't say those words to me if she knew I was honest.

But I was being honest with her.

Ayaw niya lang maniwala sa akin. And to be realistic, I'm of age! Wala namang masama kung gagamitin ko 'yon—but that wasn't the point! The point here is I don't know where she's coming from.

"What now? You won't even defend yourself to me, Montecer?" She scoffed, the disbelief evident in her face. "That's just it? You actually tried that disgusting thing?"

I'm surprised na hindi niya pa ako sinisigawan ngayon kahit pa galit siya. 'Yong pagtaas-baba ng dibdib niya, 'yong mahigpit na hawak niya sa hawak niyang ballpen ngayon, at kung paano siya tumingin—lahat 'yan indikasyon na mataas ang emosyon niya, pero hindi pa siya nagtataas ng boses.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago sinalubong ang tingin niyang kanina ko pa iniiwasan.

I gulped, "Dedepensahan ko ang sarili ko, pero hindi ngayon, Miss Amaranth..." I met her gaze again after looking elsewhere for a while to gain courage.

Parang na-intriga siya sa sinabi ko kaya agad na pumilantik ang buong atensyon niya sa akin.

I've already told her my truth earlier, pero mukhang hindi iyon pumapasok sa utak niya dahil mataas ang emosyon niya.

"What?" Parang hindi niya nagustuhan ang isinagot ko kaya hayan na naman ang mga kilay niyang nakataas, na kung nakamamatay ang tumingin, malamang pinaglalamayan na ako.

"Galit kayo sa akin... 'di ba?" I started off, trying to sound calm amidst my heart rapidly moving. "Galit ka... at ayokong sabayan ang galit mo. Now not. Now when you're irrational." Mahinahong paliwanag ko.

And after that sentence of mine, I knew her thin string of patience snapped.

"I am not irrational!" My mouth parted a little when she started raising her voice, startling me. "I am frustrated! How can you stand there and just do nothing?!"

Hindi ako sumagot at hinayaan siyang ilabas ang kung ano mang nasa isip niya ngayon.

Hindi ko p'wedeng sabayan ang taas ng emosyon niya, dahil kapag sumabay ako, mauuwi lang kami sa sigawan.