Fallen | Raven Reyes

Dilemma 

Blood. That's all she can see. It stains her hands and her clothes. Blood everywhere. The smell of metallic coats the inside of her nose and makes her feel physically sick. So much blood.

And all she can think about is the way the blade felt as it entered Elena's body and how she watched the life slip away from her eyes until she was a lifeless heap on the ground.

She couldn't stop replaying the moment in her head. Elena saying she didn't blame her, saying she loved her. She killed her girlfriend and she's not sure how to keep going from here. The blood is quite literally still on her hands.

Elena's cry is ingrained in her brain.

If only she didn't take the chip. Elena told her not to. Abby warned her. Even Gwen said it was a bad idea.
But Stacy wanted to be happy and to feel how the others were feeling so she took it anyway. And besides killing her girlfriend it is her life's biggest mistake.

If she could turn back the clock she would go back and never take the stupid chip that landed her in this fucking mess. But that's the thing isn't it? She can't turn back the clock. She can't take back the things she's done. No matter what she does she cannot undo the past.

She took the chip. She went to the city of light. She killed Elena. She has to live with what she's done. But how is she supposed to live with it? How does she pick herself up and keep going?

At this point in time she doesn't see a way she can. She also now has a newfound respect for Gwen. Gwen has killed and lost more than her other friends yet she's still going. Stacy now understands why Gwen has become hard and distant. She no longer feels like her old self and for once Stacy understands why.

Elena grounded her and made her feel like the most powerful person in the world. Elena made her happy and made her feel loved and now she's gone. Stacy killed her and that is gonna stick with her until she dies.

Stacy also understands Jasper now. When you lose the person who made you feel truly alive, everything feels different. Everything seems pointless. Life seems pointless. She can see why he spends his days getting drunk and being careless. Because once you lose the person who truly made life worth it nothing matters anymore. Certainly not your own life. Stacy understands so much now.

So she pushes herself away from Matt who hasn't let her go since she killed her girlfriend. "Stacy?"

"I'm fine." She muttered.

"You're really not." He shot back with a skeptical look.

Stacy raised a brow. "Yeah, you're one to talk." She took her hair band off and let her hair fall behind her shoulders. "You haven't been fine since Daisy. I on the other hand am perfectly fine." She dunk her hand in the bucket of water Brandon had brought and began to wash the blood away.

She watched as Elena's blood swirled with the water. "Stacy you just k- ended a life." Stacy flinched at his words but continued to wash her arms. "Of someone you love at that. There's no way you're just fine."

Stacy shook her hands off and dried them on her clothes before turning back to Matt and Brandon, who stood watching the two warily. "Well I am. If you want someone to worry about, worry about yourself! Leave me alone." She walked away but caught the end of what Matt mumbled.

"Right because that seems fine."

Stacy sat down and ran her hands over her face. She sighed heavily and wiped away her tears before they could fully fall from her eyes. "Fucking Jaha." She whispered to herself.  It was all his fault. He went looking for the city of light and found it. He told people he would take their pain and they could go to the city of light. But people who didn't take it? Soon ended up getting tortured or worse.