𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲|•|𝐃𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐡𝐨|•|

𝐑𝐮𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝.

𝗔𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝘄𝗼, 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆-𝗢𝗻𝗲.

𝗥𝘂𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱.

Season four: episode sixteen:

The Waters of Mars - Part Two.

- ~ - 

Adelaide stared at him with burning eyes. A gaze so intense it made him want to hide. But he couldn't, she deserved his sincerity, his respect and his grief for what was going to come.

In the chilling room, the two looked at one, the weight of a promised hanging heavily between them. The Doctor could see it, had seen it, and the Captain wanted to see it but would never be able to; they both knew that. Adelaide studied him, trying to pick apart the inhuman parts of himself that had made themselves known.

Finally, she opened her mouth to speak, "And what consolation do you need, Doctor?"

He blinked, confused, "I don't know what you mean."

"I've seen you," Adelaide answered, "The way you look to your side, the way you reach your hand out, the way your eyes crack when you think no one sees. It's like... you're missing something."

Could he allow himself to splinter just this little bit? Could he let himself give a sliver of sacred information to a woman who was already dead? Yes, he decided. What could she possibly say or do that he couldn't?

"Someone." He murmured.

There was no pity in her gaze, only quiet discernment. "Who were they?"

"The love of my life," The Doctor whispered, cringing at the hoarseness in his words, "The rhythm my hearts beat to, the home I always came back to, the fire that chased away the dark. My firefly."

You're the love of my life, too.

Then why did you disappear?

He bowed his head. Squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear her laughter ringing in his ears. It haunted him. Taunted him. And yet, he could not bear to exorcise her from him, no, she'd burned her way into every inch of his being now. 

"What happened?" Adelaide inquired softly, "Where is she now?"

He shrugged with a helpless, almost frantic laugh, "I don't know. I woke up one morning expecting her to be there, and she wasn't. I looked all over my ship, in the area we'd parked, everywhere. But she just wasn't there. I can't find her. She left me."

"I-"

"I don't want your consolation, Adelaide. I went too far. I never thought her heart might rupture. And it did. So she left. She left, and I can do nothing but accept it."