Consider Me

Chapter Forty Seven: Lily

I wasn't thinking when I kissed Lucas. He tried to stop me but I pushed more until we were breathless and I was pressed against him. Face in hand, I refused to move away from him. He seemed conflicted but didn't fight. He opened my mouth with his lips, tucked my head back and deepened. 

"Lily," He says pushing me back to the closed door. Dropping his forehead against mine in a whisper. "Baby, not that I don't mind kissing you but I think you're not okay, are you?"

How does he always know when something is wrong with me? 

"I want to break up," I say with granite in my voice.

Lucas takes a step back, caught off guard. "What?"

"I want to break up with you,"

"Why?"

"It's not working ou-"

"Did you talk to Cal?" he cuts me off abruptly then laughs and looks around the place, "He told you to break up with me, didn't he? I am going to kill him-"

"No, Lucas. I never talked to Cal,"

"Then why do you want to breakup!"

"I told it's not-"

"Working out?" he scoffs. "Do you want me to get tools and fix whatever suddenly made you cut things off because I will,"

"Lucas-"

"No!" He marches to me, "I said no Lily,"

I hold his gaze. "And I am saying I want to,"

We stare at each other for a beat. I feel his anger, the sudden shock, everything. He wants to shout. His voice is reaching its volume but he is holding onto his control. 

With a deep breath and a clenched jaw he says, "You really don't want to be with me, is that what you're saying?"

Why is he making this hard for me? Can't he see I don't want to do this but I have to. I can't be my mother. I can't be her. That woman lied to me and my father for twenty years like it was such a noble thing to do. And the worst thing is, she would've continued to do so until one of us found out the truth.

And unfortunately for her, one of us did. 

I did.

"You came here to break up with me?" he asks. I look away because I am close to crying and I don't want him to see me like this. So damn tired from within. Do you know how much it hurts to know the person you loved with all your heart would be one day the reason you'll stop believing in everything? 

"Lucas please,"

"No, bloody hell! I am not breaking up with you," he holds me by shoulder tightly, "Whatever it is, either tell me or I'll fuck it out of you,"

"Lucas-" he cuts me off with a kiss so hard I would've fallen backwards had he not has his hands on my waist. Holding me so close to him I feel like we're one person. 

Nothing runs in my head. No thoughts. Just Lucas, his body and mine rubbing against each other, creating friction. He picks me up and I don't fight. God, I forgot how much I want him. What was I thinking I could survive not being together? He was there when I needed him. Every time I wanted a distraction he was there. 

My shield, my cover, and I was about to give all that up because my mother lied to my father about her pregnancy and hid me from him? 

Lucas carries me to his bedroom and wretches his lips from me. "Yeah right you're not fucking breaking up with me. I'll shove that idea out of your head once and for all," He says and does exactly what he said.