take care

fifty one

Penny,

Harry and I have been texting each other a lot since the party. We have officially made plans to hang out on Friday. Harry was trying to change the time so we "coincidentally" hung out on Valentine's Day. It took all of my willpower to say no to that. I still don't know how I want things to go with him, and I don't want the lovey dovey atmosphere to distract me.

You know how I started writing a book? Well I scrapped that idea pretty quickly. I like writing, it's fun, but I don't think being an actual writer is the path for me. None of the dialogue sounded natural and my vocabulary isn't really big enough for three hundred pages (at least) of a novel. Even though I haven't been writing books, I have been writing a lot of poetry, therefore writing a lot of songs. Somewhere along the way I picked up a ukulele and I've been having so much fun playing it.

I want to tell you more about my life, Penny, but I'm starting to feel really pathetic. You're dead. At first I thought I was preserving your memory but more and more it feels like I'm digging my own grave. Writing letters just isn't helping me like it used to.

This might be my last letter.

Take care,

Niall

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A/N I promise this isn't the last letter, so don't freak out yet. I'm really sorry for not updating this like I used to. Honestly this story feels more like a job than anything else. Writing this doesn't help me the way I used to. I started writing this because I was struggling with depression and self harm as well as questioning my sexuality. I was living vicariously through this character. I'm a lot better now though.

Anyways, the next chapter is the very last chapter of this entire fic. I'm sorry if you're sad to see it go (but let's be real, after not updating for over a year I doubt that anyone still reads this lol) but it needs to end.

God this author's note is so depressing I'm sorry. Not my intention. I love you guys xx