take care

thirty five

Dear Penelope,

I'm very happy that it's winter and that we have an excuse to where jumpers all the time. Had it not, I would be screwed right now. I have bright red cuts going down my arm from yesterday's little experiment. I'm trying to decide if I regret it yet.

But on other news, it was Louis's birthday today! I'm pretty sure Louis and Eleanor are having birthday sex right now so I won't bother them.

But yeah, today was a pretty chilled day. Really we just stayed inside most of the day. Zayn, Perrie, Liam, and Sophia came over around six o'clock. We all just had cake and played Cards Against Humanity.

It was really nice to have Zayn and Liam there. They were both really supportive. I also like Perrie being there. At one point Perrie went and took me into the kitchen and talked to me alone. All she asked was how I was doing. She said that if I ever need anything that I could come to her and she wouldn't hesitate to help me.

"I really do care for you, Niall. I know that we're not extremely close and don't talk that much, but you need to know that I really do care. I couldn't live with myself knowing something happened to you. If you ever need anything, anything, come get me. You won't be a burden to me or anything. I want you to know that you have people here for you, and that you're not alone. Depression is a shitty thing that people have to deal with, but I know you can make it through it. We need you to make it through it, Ni. None of us would be the same without you." Perrie took a deep breath and said, "You have to do it for Penelope. You owe it to her to make it through this." Then Perrie gave me a peck on the forehead and went back out with everyone else. It took me a while to regain myself after all of that.

Once everyone left, Eleanor, Louis, and I all watched a movie. Considering that it was almost Christmas, we decided to watch Four Christmases. When the movie ended, I turned around to tell them something but found the two kissing.

Seeing that reminded me of when I was young and in love. They just sat there, not even caring if I was watching. The couple, even after all the shit they go through, still act like the same young lovers they originally were.

So here I am now. It's pretty late and I should get some sleep considering that it's Christmas tomorrow. I think I'm just going to quickly cut and then go to bed.

Perrie was right, I owe it to you to get better. Self harm seems to be helping me. I forget about the emotional pain. I forget about Harry. I'll do anything to forget him.

Take Care,

Niall xx

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A/N Hello! I almost forgot to post this ahaha. So um yeah. If you don't like self harm I suggest not reading this story. Though I will not go into detail about it that much, I will mention it several times. I'm sorry if I offend or hurt anyone. So yeah, still feel free to write me a Louvia one shot! My good friend iloveNialler_18 just wrote me one!

Next Posting Date: May 30