take care

forty seven

Penny,

Harry's party is in two weeks. I'm trying not to think about it that much but it always manages to find its way into my thoughts. I've been talking to my therapist about this (yes, I have a therapist. She's really nice and I like her) and she says that it's very normal for this to be happening. She thinks this could be good for me so Harry and I finally get some closure, which makes a lot of sense. I was trying to figure out why I'm still not over Harry when we only dated for three weeks, but now it all makes sense. There's still so many things left unsaid between the two of us. If I talk to him, maybe I'll finally be able to fully let him go. Then again, I don't really want to talk to him so this plan might fail epically.

I really don't have much to tell you. It's only been a week since Zayn's birthday, and other than my lack of sex (which I went into lots of detail in my last letter) nothing exciting has happened. It's all the same really, I read a new book, took my meds, drank some tea, watched Netflix, and witnessed Eleanor and Louis being all gross and couple-y.

OH MYG GWEASVJK I JUST REALIZED THERE IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT THAT I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WOW I'M AN IDIOT!

Okay, so as you know I recently took up self harming. I stopped pretty much as quickly as I started, but I still have quite a few scars to prove it happened. Well, I've already told my therapist (she's one of the reasons I stopped, along with other things such as self harm is stupid and there are plenty of other coping skills that are much more useful) and she said that I should consider telling Eleanor and Louis, so that's what I did.

I was kind of surprised as to how well they acted. I mean, of course they were upset and stuff, but they didn't yell at me or anything. They just wished that I had told them that it had gotten to that point. So we took my blade and threw it away so it is never going to happen again!

I really miss you, Penelope. At one point I feel like these letters are keeping you alive, but I kind of feel like it's taking little pieces of me to do it. You're dead, and that fucking sucks. I know I say it a lot but honestly it still hurts, each day worse than the last.

Take Care,

Niall xx

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A/N Yeah, the next couple of chapters are probably all going to be filler chapters so sorry about that. I really don't have much to say today other than happy Almost Valentines Day! This is the first year that I actually have a valentine ^_^ she's really adorable and short and yeah. I don't know how I managed to get a girlfriend but who cares I'm happy. Maybe I'll try to update on Valentine's Day because idk why not. Okay so, uh, QOTD I guess: Favorite character in this series and why? Least favorite character and why? I'm mostly asking this because even though there's only a few chapters left I still want to be able to improve on my writing :) Okay thank you and I love you and you're beautiful :)) ♥