take care

forty two

Hello,

So today I went on my date with Alyssa. It was not at all how I expected it to go. Don't get me wrong, the date was fine, but it was just... here, let me explain.

When I woke up I was delighted to see that my darling Eleanor had made us pancakes! They weren't as good as Harry's, but they were okay. The three of us sat down and made small talk. When I mentioned that I had a date, they were ecstatic. Louis and Eleanor were making all of these plans about meeting her and vacations together when I finally had to stop them and remind them that it was only one date.

I acted like a teenage girl whilst trying to figure out what to wear. I didn't trust Louis's fashion insight so I let Eleanor pick it out for me. I was still self conscious about my outfit, but Louis and Eleanor insisted I looked great.

At around 5:45 I left to go meet up with Alyssa at the restaurant. I noticed her immediately, but again it's not that hard to notice a 6'0 girl with bright hair at a small restaurant. When she noticed me a grin formed on her face. We hugged again, this time her boobs not poking me in the face.

Alyssa looked very pretty. Her hair was down, and you could faintly see her roots. She wasn't wearing much makeup at all which made me happy. I loved her outfit. Even though she was wearing a very pretty lace skater dress, she still wore those damn pink converse.

After we finished our food, we mostly talked about me. I mentioned that it had been a while since I had dated anybody and I was very nervous. She simply laughed, grabbing my hand and rubbing circles into it with her thumb.

At eight o'clock, towards the end of the date, I picked up the check and payed for the meal. Alyssa insisted that she at least pay part of it, but I thought that was nonsense. I had more than enough money than I could handle, there was no issue with me paying for the delightful meal.

"I had a lot of fun tonight." I admitted.

She smiled. "I did too."

Taking a leap of faith, I asked, "Would you maybe want to go out again sometime?"

Without any hesitation she said, "You're gay."

My stomach flipped. "What?"

Alyssa just laughed, taking a sip of her coke. "Oh don't worry babe, this isn't a bad thing. I have two fathers and my brother went through an experimental phase. I have this thing that I like to call my gaydar. I can tell whenever anybody is gay, sometimes before they even realize it. You, my friend, are most certainly gay."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Alyssa was so sure about my sexuality, which scared me. What scared me the most was the thought was I that obvious?

Alyssa continued to speak, distracting me from my thoughts. "Oh fuck I'm sorry, are you closeted? What the hell am I saying, of course you are. I mean, did you not know?"

I simply sighed, sitting down on the chair and running a shaky hand through my hair. "Well what are you waiting for? Go and tweet about it or tell some stupid magazine about how you found out that the Niall Horan is gay. If they don't believe you, you can at least tell them about how you went on a date with me and how awful I am. That's why you went with me, right? You want publicity, well there you go. Might as well yell it to the entire world now! HELLO I'M NIALL HORAN AND I ENJOY MEN'S C*CKS UP MY ARSE!"

I may have been overreacting a bit, but I didn't know what else to do. My secret was out, and now there was proof.

"Hey now," Alyssa said, sitting down. She started rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. I flinched, the touch reminding me of Harry. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

I looked up at her. "Why not."

She shrugged. "Because that's not my thing. Plus, I don't have any solid proof even if I wanted to. Honestly, I'm kind of concerned. You seemed really... upset when I brought it up. I feel like, now I might be wrong, but I feel like something happened to you. Maybe there was somebody who broke your heart. Or maybe you weren't sure about your sexuality and hearing that you might be gay scares you."

How does she know this? I thought. It's like she totally understands. Can I trust her?

I decided that Alyssa was actually a decent human being and wasn't just saying this stuff.

"There was this boy." I whispered. My hands started shaking and my eyes were starting to water.

"Shh," she cooed into my ear. "you don't have to tell me."

I shook my head. "I know I don't need to but... I trust you. Plus you seem to know more about me then I even know."

She giggled. "Yeah, it's a bad habit."

I chuckled along with her. I started to feel better, safer. It was time to tell her the great story.

So I explained everything. I told her all about how it started off as a casual thing, which progressed into love. I told her all about Kendall Fucking Jenner and how I now live with the odd Elounor monster. The entire time though, I left out the name. I was hoping she wouldn't notice, but sadly I was mistaken.

"If you don't mind me asking, who was it?"

"It was... don't say anything, alright? It was Harry, Harry Styles."

"Damn it!" She yelled.

"What?"

"I was hoping it was Ashton! You know, Ashton Irwin, the drummer? You know you talked about his curly hair and his beautiful voice, so I thought that my dream might actually come true. Sadly this is a ship that will have to sink."

I started laughing. "You think Ashton and I would be cute together?"

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "You guys would make beautiful babies"

After that, we stopped talking about my gayness. I felt much more relaxed then I had the entire night, and I could tell as we fangirled over 5sos and raved about Gossip Girl that a beautiful friendship was being made.

I dropped her off at her house around 12:30 and drove back home. Louis was sitting on the couch with Eleanor asleep in his lap. I quietly made my way back to my room and, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt fine. Happiness wasn't quite yet there, but I knew that I was finally starting to get over Harry Styles.

Take Care,

Niall xx

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A/N This took way too long to get out I'm sorry. So uh, I don't really know what to say other than this: WE ARE SO CLOSE TO 200K GUYS I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THAT I JUST- I will get pie. If/when I hit 200k I shall buy pie in your honor. Okay well I'm tired and this is turning out to be rubbish so yeah, sorry. Just keep on reading this and keep on reading amma and all that shit. Oh and also the gif to the side is perfection idgaf what you say it is.