take care

thirty six

Merry Christmas!

Well I suppose it's not Christmas anymore, considering that it's midnight, but it's close enough.

It was much harder than I thought it was going to be. Eleanor and Louis went their separate ways, Louis going to visit his mum whilst Eleanor went with her family. Sadly I wasn't able to see my family for Christmas which was a big bummer. I remember when we were little, we would wake up at six in the morning and after we opened our presents, you would run over to my place and we would watch the Grinch and drink hot chocolate. Then at night we would have ham at your house and both of our families would play yahtzee. I really miss those days, it was so much simpler back then.

Since I was alone during the holidays, Louis invited me to spend the day with him. I think Eleanor would've invited me as well, but I don't know her family as well as Louis's. Louis's family loves me. I decided to take on Louis's offer and visit his family. It had been a while since I've seen the Tomlinson family so it was time to see them.

As soon as Louis walked the twins attacked his legs, almost toppling him over. Fizzy just sidestepped her crazy siblings and walked over to me, giving me a hug. I was taken aback, not expecting this type of affection, but gave in anyways. When she let go she said, "I'm so happy you're here right now."

I laughed, letting go of her. "Why?"

She squeezed my hand. "Because I don't want to think of where you would be had you not come here."

I looked over to Louis and he gave me an apologetic glance. I had not been expecting that.

Christmas was fun. Lottie wasn't there because she chose to spend Christmas with her boyfriend instead. Louis's mum was due soon so Louis offered to help her as much as possible. It was adorable seeing Louis being such a mummy's boy. The family hadn't gotten me a gift considering how last minute everything was. I was fine with it, just happy that they let me intrude on their holiday. Louis and I left to go home around ten o'clock. Nobody wanted him to leave but it had to be done.

When we got home, we found a sleeping Eleanor on the couch with soft Christmas music playing all around her. Louis picked her up and kissed her on the nose. He smiled at her before saying, "I'm going to take this little princess to bed. It looks like she's had a long day." Not once did Louis look away from her.

Once Louis and Eleanor were out of sight I quickly ran to the kitchen and found a sharp knife. Running back to my room, I quickly ripped my shirt off to have a better view of my arms.

I can't tell you the details of my self harming experience. It would just feel wrong admitting that to you. I've only self-harmed twice, Pen, but both of those times have been so relieving. All I get is this overwhelming numbing feeling and I just forget about everything. Forgetting is so much better than remembering.

Take Care,

Niall xx

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A/N HOLY SHIT WE GOT 100K READS WOO!!! Thank you so much guys, seriously it means a lot. I never imagined getting more than 1k reads on this thing, but look at how far we've come! So this chapter had some really cute Elounor moments. I just love the Christmas time, don't you? I feel like I haven't posted gifs on here in forever so here's a gif on the side to make up for it :) Since I got 100k reads I was thinking about doing another contest. What do you think? Would anyone enter? This chapter is dedicated to my bae iloveNialler_18 because she's fucking awesome because she wrote me a Louvia one shot! Thanks :*

Next Posting Date: June 6