Because She Loved Him

Pathway of Good Intentions.

Anna's decisions were in some part coming back to haunt her, she was in the very last weeks of her pregnancy now and she felt her isolation keenly. The weight of those decisions kept her awake as much as the baby did now and her lack of sleep wasn't helping matters much, her father had wrung a promise out of her to have someone call them when she went into labour and they would make their way to Verum, they didn't know where she was yet but she had agreed that the doctors wife would tell them when the time came. She was, despite her highly advanced pregnancy a shadow of her former self, she truly believed that she would never recover from this, the other half of her heart was gone and living the life that he chose and happy without her. The others were right, she knew that something didn't add up with it all, she knew that it was something to do with Lena, she knew that the pictures of Bjorn in the paper hadn't been what she'd expected but beyond that she didn't want to delve any deeper, she just didn't have the mental capacity to deal with any thing else that might cause her more pain and deep down she knew she was a coward, she'd run away instead of facing Bjorn, instead of confronting Lena. She'd run away instead of telling Bjorn about the baby because he didn't want it and she'd run away to protect her children and Bjorn from whatever or whoever it was threatening them, she took those letters very seriously and she'd bought the worst with her so that she could remind herself why she was doing this when the doubts battered at her decisions. She read them often and then forced herself to remember Bjorn's words about their children, their life, her and that usually set her right back on the path she'd chosen but recently as the birth of this half unwanted child grew closer it was taking more and more effort to continue down that path. Her intentions had been true and good but she wondered now if she had been entirely fair to everyone and that included Bjorn.
She had been following the tour as much as she could and from what she had read and heard it was going well, it had been a difficult one for her because on the one hand she desperately wanted them to succeed and to be everything that they wanted to be and on the other hand she wanted to be at least missed and it seemed to her that this was not so. She told herself off for being selfish and reminded herself of how lucky she was, 2 beautiful children and one more on the way. Very soon now she hoped if the gods were with her, she was looking forward to the end of the Abba tour not because she would necessarily see them, much less Bjorn but she knew she would gain comfort from Frida and Benny being back in Sweden and on the end of the phone. She wondered if the tour had proved to be an inspiration for Benny and Bjorn to write, she longed to sing and she wanted to sing for Abba, she felt guilty for the damage done and the position she'd put Benny and Frida in, not to mention all the others that made Abba the success that it was, she felt she owed them all a massive debt of gratitude that she wanted to pay back. Her guilt had been profound since Abba had actually gone on tour and she'd thought with a clearer head of the magnitude of what they had all faced and continued to face because she had left the tour, the children while initially thriving seemed to become more challenging by the day, it hadn't taken Linda long to work out that their move wasn't temporary and after that it was even less time before she cottoned on to the fact that her beloved Papa wouldn't be coming anytime soon. The resulting fallout had been spectacular and exhausting, it had flayed Anna to the bone because Linda swung from blaming her for leaving Papa behind and taking her away from him which Anna couldn't argue with because it was all true, to hating Bjorn with a vehemence that only served to increase Anna's guilt for it wasn't entirely deserved. This in turn rubbed off on Christian who although he didn't understand, definitely picked up the undertones and reacted to them vociferously and Anna was increasingly convinced that he was also missing his Papa, whether it was her guilt talking or it was indeed true was actually irrelevant to Anna because the end result was the same, two young, challenging children that exhausted her, delighted her and devastated her all at the same time was a huge challenge but she was more than aware that this was the path that she had chosen and now she would have to live with it, they all would.
Days came and went with alarming speed and monotonous regularity and even though in her mind it had dragged the time that Abba was scheduled to be out of the country was finally over and they were due home the following day, Anna wondered what it would bring for her, would Benny have finally agreed with Bjorn that she wasn't worth it after what she'd done to them, perhaps she wouldn't be wanted at all now not even for singing. Inger had done an amazing job she knew and perhaps it would be enough for Abba to move on without her, it would certainly be less drama for everyone, that much she knew and indeed it was what she'd told them but now that she was faced with the very real possibility of being permanently replaced she found that the thought hurt her tremendously and she didn't know how to deal with the waterfall of emotions that it unleashed in her so she didn't, she internalised it all and focused on the children and the baby to the exclusion of all else. She religiously attended her appointments with the doctor and he had appealed to her to consider having the baby in the hospital and she had eventually agreed despite her misgivings and worries that she would be recognised. Her difficult birth history with both Linda and Christian had finally persuaded her that it would be a good idea, the decision made easier by the fact that the doctors wife had promised to look after the children until her parents arrived. She had prepared the house and the children as much as she could, she felt that she was as ready as she would ever be, even though she was genuinely terrified of everything she was facing, she prepared her bag, the children's bags and even if she didn't realise it she nested fiercely, she prepared with the doctor, she prepared with the hospital but with an honesty that she would admit to no one she was not prepared for a life without Bjorn and that scared her most of all. 
She had talked herself around for the millionth time by the time Abba came home and she waited impatiently for the right time to call Frida and Benny, she knew it would take them a few days to get themselves together and she wouldn't dream of thinking that she would be their first priority, they had kids to talk to first and logistics to sort. She remembered the relief of being home but it was also stressful in its own way, she knew that Stig would be demanding a shakedown of the whole thing just to add to everything else so she thought she'd leave it a couple of days and then call them. Much as she wouldn't admit it even to herself she was quietly relieved that they were all back in the country but unbeknownst to her she was wrong about so much more than she was right. She was indeed the first priority of the three people who loved her most in the world her parents excepted and now they were home she was the sole focus. For one of the three she was far more than that, more than everything , she was his only priority, his only focus. His world had ended when she left  but he had a chance now, a chance to find her and he would take it, he'd build a new world with her if she'd let him and if she didn't well he'd spend the rest of his life persuading her otherwise. The plane had barely landed in Arlanda before he was off and running, Benny and Frida not far behind, he cut impatiently through the press giving them nothing his face showing a storm that was barely controlled. This was unusual in itself, his desire for adulation and fame belonged to the man he had been not the man he was now. He waited in the car for benny and Frida to catch up and then finally they were on their way to Polar, they did not wait for the others Inger and her husband had all the explanations needed and were content to come to Polar on an agreed day, Lena had been left for a chastened Stig to deal with and the band were happy to come in when called. They all understood what was at stake here even if they didn't know all the details.
The road to Polar felt eternal to Bjorn and when they finally got there he was out of the car and up in his little office before Benny and Frida had made it halfway up the stairs. He found all the papers that he'd stolen from Lena's desk the day they left and clattered back down the stairs with them "here" he said breathlessly "here is the evidence I need" he collapsed onto the sofa while Frida made coffee. Benny made sure to lock the doors and got the letters out of Bjorn's bag and the telephone number that Frida had written down so carefully along with her notes from that fraught phonecall with Anna before they left. Bjorn's eyes landed on that number and he leapt up again and grabbed the phone,calling the operator immediately. Benny and Frida, by now sat with coffee watched Bjorn's face as he asked the operator which province this number came from and from the stillness on his face they knew his answer was coming. They watched him nod and scribble furiously on the notepad,  they heard the emotion crack his voice as he asked if it was possible to know which city and then they watched alarmed as his face drained of every ounce of colour and sweat beaded his brow,his hand still wrote but his eyes were glassy and unfocused. He snapped the lead in the pencil with the pressure then turned to Benny with the phone still in his hand. Benny hesitated for a beat then got up and took the phone from him, put it to his ear and thanked the operator before hanging up "where is she?" he asked quietly but there was no answer "Bjorn please" Frida pleaded through sudden tears "where?" Benny tightened his hold on Bjorn and guided him to the sofa "for god's sake man where is she?" he demanded sharply. Bjorn cleared his throat finally "I can't believe it, I never would have thought she'd go there. I never would have looked there. She hates me...why would she...."he trailed off "WHERE?" Benny and Frida chorused impatiently Bjorn jumped at the noise "sorry" he whispered "she's somewhere around Verum" the silence was long and Benny saw Frida's blinding smile quickly hidden, he frowned "Verum? That's hours away" his brain kicked in "and also where you got married" he realised and suddenly understood Frida's smile, he realised there was hope even if Bjorn and Anna didn't right now. He hid his own smile "what's the plan then?" "I'll go. Now."Bjorn whispered "The rest can wait, Verum is small. I'll search till I find her" "it can't wait Bjorn" Frida said gently both men stared at her in question "you need answers, you need to be able to tell her why her world was ripped apart. You need evidence to prove to her that she isn't crazy, that she wasn't wrong" "but she was wrong" Bjorn protested "I do love her and the kids" "she wasn't wrong about the rest though" Benny agreed, understanding where Frida was coming from "you're right we need this first" he waved his hand over the pile of papers on the table "then you can shower, repack, get in the car and go" Bjorn frowned and then sighed as he understood "yes" was all he said and even though the delay was inevitable he was finally on the right road. The road home.