Because She Loved Him

Mistaken.

Anna broke her habit for the second time when Abba left for the American leg of the tour and bought the papers on her way back from dropping Linda off at school. She was struggling now with everything and she'd never felt so lonely. Everyone she loved was far away and the one she loved most of all was the furthest by far, she knew that pregnancy hormones were no doubt driving her present state of mind, there was much she had learnt from her last pregnancy and she had tried to be more prepared but it was difficult especially being alone. She was entering the last stages of her pregnancy, her hair had grown long and lustrous, one of the few benefits of pregnancy she had discovered but very different from the shorter style she'd been persuaded into for the tour just before she'd made the decision to leave. It was just as long as it had been when she'd been pregnant with Linda and truth be told, she liked it like that. It was certainly far different to how Bjorn would remember her, she was very heavy and cumbersome now and had resorted to kaftan like dresses that she could just pull over her head and clogs she could just shove her feet into. She smiled at the memories of Bjorn helping her with her socks and shoes or her jeans and dungarees during her other pregnancies Socks were as much of a long distance memory as Bjorn himself was and she couldn't help but compare her pregnancies to this one. Her determination to see all this through alone has been unexpectedly dented when the others actually went on tour, she hadn't realized how much she had been relying on them all being in Sweden and finding comfort in the fact that they would come if she let them, now it felt like her choice had been taken away and unfairly perhaps she couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment. Despite all this angst she still felt sure that she'd made the right decision for everyone including her parents who were older and more vulnerable now and her younger sister who had a small family of her own, never would she put any of them at risk and neither would she at this late stage put herself or her children born or not at risk by revealing herself now. This conversation went on endlessly in her head but in the end she felt safe where she was therefore nothing would change, Bjorn could get on with his life although she was concerned enough for him when she read the last papers to resolve to ask Benny if he was ok when they next spoke tonight, it would be the first time she would ask because up until now she'd avoided even thinking of asking, she hadn't been able to hear how happy he was and how much better and freer his life was without her and the children, having seen the pictures she was less sure of his well being and couldn't fight the urge to ask anymore. She wouldn't interfere in his life, a simple question wouldn't upset the status quo, she and Benny had agreed that they would call from their hotel room when they were settled which meant a late night for her due to the time difference between them but she didn't care. It would be awkward and it wouldn't happen as often because of the time difference, likely only once a week while they were on tour because the doctors wife had agreed to come and look after the children while she was talking on the phone, she didn't want to take advantage of her kindness any more than she had to and the thought that the doctors wife had said she would kindly run down and get her when Benny called bothered her more than she cared to admit, while she liked the peace not having a phone in the house and not having to worry about who would call she was starting to doubt the wisdom of not having a phone in the cottage especially now but it was too late , besides she didn't want workmen who were strangers recognising her even if she could afford it which she couldn't so there was little point in thinking about it at all, she was within walking distance of the doctors and shouting distance of the church. The vicar that had married her and Bjorn was still there, that fact was of much comfort to her, he had been kind to her since she had returned even if he had gently made it known that he didn't entirely approve of her course of action even if he understood it. He'd also become a friend and she knew that she could call on him if she needed to, added to the kindness of Verum in general her worst fears were calmed.
Meanwhile the flight into Canada had been beset with issues and Bjorn was truly beginning to believe that Benny was right and this whole bloody thing album and all was cursed, the price has been indeed too high. They'd hit some pretty rough turbulence just outside of Edmonton and that only served to sharpen his memories of other journeys, other tours and he wished more than anything that Anna was beside him, it wouldn't matter to him ever again if she was practically inside him when they hit turbulence as she had been many times, he'd wipe her tears away and soothe her for an eternity if he just had the chance. It wasn't only his hands that were empty, his arms, his lap, his chest were empty and his heart was the emptiest of all.
Having managed to stay away from Lena for many days it was unfortunate for her that she picked this particular time to sit next to him in the seat that Benny had vacated some while before to go back to Frida, that sight had made him ache as well. The ease and togetherness that Benny and Frida had seemed unobtainable to him, he might as well have been reaching for the moon. He'd had all that, perhaps more and thrown it away and he couldn't fathom how he'd come to this point, until she sat next to him.
"It won't work forever you know" she purred at him "avoiding the inevitable" Bjorn had to restrain the shudder that tore through him "there is nothing inevitable about you and I" Bjorn snapped "I'm a married man and I love my wife" "if you love her so much Bjorn where is she now?" Benny pricked his ears up and leaned his seat back so he could hear better, he had tight hold of Frida's hand and kept his eyes closed looking for all the world like he was having a snooze after the turbulence "she's safe and well, taking a much needed break to look after our babies "Bjorn stuck to his mantra "when this is over I'm going home to her and my children" "Liar!" Lena spat "you won't go back to her. She's boring and fat, ugly. She doesn't love you, she loves those kids more." "and that's as it should be Lena" Bjorn said firmly "a mother's love is something special" he refused to even dignify the rest with an answer "she doesn't want you, you and I made plans. I know you better than she ever did" "you think you know me?" Bjorn questioned "do you?" he demanded "I know you don't love her, you watch me not her" Bjorn was silenced because maybe for a while that had been true "and yet now the sight of you makes me feel physically sick. You make me feel dirty, used and I can't bear the sight of you. Any plans you think you made mean nothing to me. Funny how time changes things isn't it?" There was anger in Lena's eyes "I've worked hard for you. You hate her " she spat "I never hated her I love her, I do however hate YOU" "I made you hate her, you can't lie to me" she hissed "is that what you did?" Bjorn mused well aware now that Benny was listening intently "no, what you did was make me hate you. Anna is my wife, mine." "If she's yours where is she Bjorn? Your so called beloved wife? She left you remember?" " Did she?" Bjorn enquired "I wonder Lena how it is you seem to know that for sure? I don't know any such thing so I'm surprised that you think you do" he settled further into his seat and closed his eyes determined to unsettle her and play the long game "I know because I do." she spat desperately "How original" Bjorn sneered "I don't believe a word that comes out of your filthy mouth." he folded his arms "go away Lena. I don't want you anywhere near me" "You can't talk to me like that!" she gasped unnerved "why can't I?" Bjorn asked coldly "in case you hadn't noticed Abba owns you. Abba pays your wages, although God alone knows what for. Take a good look at the contract you signed Lena. Last time I looked I am one quarter of Abba therefore I think you'll find I can talk to you however I want, especially when I can undoubtedly prove that you are nothing but a common liar trying to make a quick buck" he smiled grimly eyes wide open now "I don't know what hold you have over Stig but after this he is done with ABBA, his meal ticket is finished. Where that leaves you Lena I don't yet know but if you think that I won't  uncover the truth you are very much mistaken"
With that he got up and pushed past her to get out into the aisle and sat opposite Benny and Frida leaving Lena red faced, shaken and for now silenced. Inger gave him a small smile "she's truly awful Bjorn, you're going to have to get rid of her if none of it is true, she's going to ruin you if you give her chance" "she already did ruin me" he paused "if what's true?" he asked "what the papers say, what Anna said" "what did she say?" Bjorn asked suddenly alert for anything new "I don't care what the papers say none of that is true. I care what she says "she said you don't see her anymore. She said you don't love her anymore, she thinks you're happy without her but I think she got it wrong. I don't think Lena makes you happy like Anna did" Bjorn had to strain to hear her for she was a quiet spoken woman and she was making an effort to be discreet "I didn't give her any reason to disbelieve any of it and I gave her every reason to believe that I would be happier without her but I lied to her and I lied to myself. You're right, Lena can never make me happy. I'm sorry you've been dragged into this. I've never thanked you for stepping in for Anna, I've been rude, I'm sorry. It isn't personal" Inger smiled "I know. She asked me to help for you, so you could do the tour, she just isn't able to do it. She didn't want Abba to fall, I'll try my best I promise" he patted her hand and made himself ready when he heard the call for landing.

Landing bought another flood of memories that made him close his eyes and when he opened them he saw both Frida and Benny looking at him with something akin to sympathy and he shook his head gently and said "I promised. Showtime" and as he stood they all saw the shift in him when he donned his Abba persona just as he'd promised Benny and they watched the mask slip into place, you would never have known that his world had imploded. He checked himself in the mirror then gestured for Benny and Frida to go first, then Inger and he followed last into a lightning storm of flashes from a bank of journalists and photographers, he wanted Inger surrounded and protected for this wasn't something that she was used to. The mask stayed impenetrable and his smile didn't falter even when Lena pushed her way beside him waving and smiling for all the world like she was the star of the show but he left her looking ridiculous just by rapidly taking a few steps down and walking down the rest of the stairs with Inger. Inger was happily married and he hoped that if by some chance Anna saw the pictures she would maybe see what was really happening or at least not get too upset, he'd have a lot of explaining to do when he found her but all this drama just made him more determined to find the words he needed.

Getting into cars and getting to the hotel was another logistical nightmare and Bjorn had to be calmly forceful to get Inger into the car next to him rather than Lena who had been incredibly pushy but ultimately unsuccessful, in hindsight the three of them should have gone together and made sure Inger was with her husband who had flown with them in one of the other cars but it was too late now, they'd sort it out the next time because Bjorn wanted no misunderstandings or pictures that could be misconstrued, Lena could be left on the side of the road for all he cared indeed he rather wished that it could be so but he had come to the conclusion that if she was here with them then he could at least keep an eye on her and know that she wasn't causing harm in some way back in Sweden, if she caused harm here with them at least he had some chance to observe her and contain whatever it was she had planned for he was sure by now that she had been cooking something up with or without Stig's support. It seemed to take an age to get everything sorted at the hotel and Bjorn, now thoroughly stripped of any sense of superiority could see this for what it really was. The amount of sycophants around them appalled him and it struck him hard for the first time what Benny had meant when he said only Abba mattered in this circus  that had grown up around them, so many people and so much arse licking that it was suddenly obscene. The clarity hit like lightening when he remembered Anna's words about Abba, the music and the four of them being the most important, he hasn't realised until now how right Anna really was about all of it. It was like he was seeing everything in a whole new light, he didn't like what he saw, he didn't like how it made him feel and he didn't like the person he'd clearly become and he knew that things would change in every way when they finished this leg of the tour.
Getting themselves settled into suitable rooms was another headache beyond belief, Bjorn had found himself booked into a room quite far away from Benny and Frida and much to his impatient annoyance next door to where Lena was apparently going to be staying and that was a definite no from him. Absolutely not, thankfully Gorel and Anders had been put next to Benny and Frida and they had swapped without hesitation. The sigh of relief that Bjorn let loose when he was finally safely locked in his room was monumental and he set about methodically making himself at home as much as possible before settling on the bed and calling through to Benny's room but it was engaged, he tried a few more times but it was still engaged. He looked at his watch 1700 here, that meant it was 0100 tomorrow morning in Sweden, he wondered if they were talking to Anna but he dismissed the idea immediately, she wouldn't be awake at that time of the morning but in this  he was soon to discover that for once he was the one very much mistaken.