Once A Lost Girl | Once Upon A Time Story | Peter Pan

03x10 - Spiral - Present

        Ruby did join me for the night at the bar, but she was much more Red Riding hood than I anticipated. Normally when we went out it was full fishnets, minidresses, and leather jackets. I was the only one who went the full nine and she looked concerned. I brushed her off. A night out and I went through the trouble of sneaking into my own house; I was gonna wear what I damn-well pleased.

        We walked into The Rabbit Hole together, and Ruby had one drink with me. One drink until she couldn't take it anymore.

        "Okay, Elyssa, what is going on?" Red asked, beer in hand. "You're acting like we did under the curse."

        "I was awake for most of that. Maybe this is just me." I shrugged, taking a sip from my appletini. The cruel irony is I like the drink–the same way I actually love Regina. Neither of them can love me back.

        "I know you better than that, 'Lyssa, what's going on?"

        "Mommy dearest doesn't love me, what's new?"

        "Seriously–"

        "I'm realizing that everyone in my life has manipulated or taken advantage of me in some way besides you, Hook, and Henry." Warm, creeping angry flooded my body, but I shoved it down before it dared to make tears. "And I've lost Henry."

        Red softened, no doubt remembering the Toll Bridge incident this morning. She let the silence hang, tossing back her beer. I downed my entire stupid appletini and then ordered two shots of tequila.

        "This isn't a way to deal with it... I'm sure if you went to Archie–"

        "Archie? The cricket? You're suggesting that here? Right now?" I snapped. "Just go, Red."

        "Elyssa–"

        "Go."

        She left a few bills under her empty beer bottle, and left. I took both shots, and as the burn barely settled I ordered one more, forcing myself to get some food so they wouldn't cut me off early.

        The edge never came off quite as quickly as I wanted it to. I only knew it was finally kicking in when the clacking of billiard balls was less head splitting. I was right where I wanted to be: right on the edge of sleepy. My eyes scanned the crowd. The atmosphere was changing, and the nightclub crowd was starting to roll in.

        Some guy and I met eyes–likely someone who was just living his life before Regina cursed us all. He's not a hero or a villain, just a guy. No one would ever write his story. I smiled at him.

        Perfect, I thought, someone who's no one. No reason to try and pretend he loves me.

        I walked over with a very well-placed lip bite and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the dance floor. He followed. For just a moment my thoughts flickered back to my curse reputation: The Mayor's first kid, the rebellious one, the one who really ran this part of town. And it was all too easy to become her again.

        Another couple shots and the rest of the night was a blur. I remember dancing, yeah. I remember maybe a poorly chosen kiss in the corner, and the heat from all the bodies in one space.

      The next morning my head was pounding. I hummed and rolled over. The bed was empty. I sighed softly and sat up. The cold air of the room hit me like a wave. I shuddered, quickly reaching for my clothes. 

      "Oh--I hoped to be done before you got up." Damn, his voice was smooth. Like butter. No wonder drunk me chose.

     "Whatever." I shrugged. "It's not that serious." I pulled my shirt on and turned around only to meet his deep brown eyes. His hair was scruffy--clearly still bed head-- and his hands held a tray of food. My stomach growled quietly. I swallowed. "Oh."

      "Feels rude to send you out without breakfast, so..." He glanced to the side. "I have some spare clothes... it's a bit colder out today than it was last night." 

      I scanned the room. On the chair sat a neatly folded sweat shirt and sweats. What could it hurt? I'll just swipe more stuff from my room later and give these back. I picked up the clothes and pulled them on. "Thanks--" I paused, realizing I had no idea what his name was.

      "Nigel--well... Weston. West. Either works. Nigel is my curse name." 

      "Right. Thanks, Nigel." I opted for the less familiar route. This was just a hookup. Pretty soon, we'll probably all be dead anyway. "You didn't have to make breakfast."

       He smiled, brown eyes catching the light just right. They sparked and for a second he looked so boyish and unburdened. Whatever thoughts crept up, I shoved them down. We're all dead soon. No point. No reason. "I know! Come eat. We don't even have to speak."

        We don't even have to speak.

        So we didn't. I ate breakfast on his couch and he put on some random movie. I didn't finish the whole thing, but it was definitely one of those happily ever after type films. Boy meets girl, girl falls first, boy falls harder and then suddenly a wedding. The world runs on fairytales even in the land without magic.

        I left with a bag of my clothes. Nigel didn't ask questions, nor did he share any personal info. He just let me hang around his place until I decided to make the trek to mine. Hopefully Henry and Regina would be out somewhere so I could at least pack my essentials and maybe hole up at Granny's inn. Truth be told, I should've moved out when everyone woke up.

        I scaled the latticework and slipped in through the window. As quietly as i could, I packed my toiletries, underwear, a little capsule wardrobe, and anything else I thought I couldn't live without. The dust hanging from my neck felt heavier with every shove of clothes into my pack. A scribbling of a small note later and I flicked my wrist to send my stuff to Red's temporarily.

        It's odd how places become home, even when you know you aren't welcome. The vines around the walls, the stain I left on the hardwood and the ghost of a dye stain on the wall from one of my wired states of being. The pencil marks I kept of Henry's height lined my doorway. The one thing Regina never chastised me for. I caught her staring at them herself one night when I came home late. She barked at me for my messy room and pretended she wasn't remembering his growth and mourning his infancy. I didn't talk back. She didn't bring it up.

        Tears blurred my vision and I broke my gaze. Deep breath. There's nothing you can do. No one will believe you. They can find out the same way I did that Pan never fails. Maybe then, I can finally breathe. Maybe I'll forget. Would death be so kind? Would Pan see it fit to no longer torture me with this?

        I left my key on the desk and exited the house.