All in my head

3.Can I just leave?

Cassidy's POV

Me and grace were sitting in the hospital watching the new episode of supernatural when jared walks in and watches it with us...how funny the guy in the show is watching it with me and her...ash walks in and sits down and puts Grace on his lap and massages her back. All the sudden he smashes in to my wrist and i yelp in pain and then he just stares at me dying trying not to laugh at the sound that came out of my mouth.

Grace swatted at him "shut up." And she handed her iPod to me and got up off the bed. Light rain started to come down on the window sill "I'll be back in a bit, I'm going for a walk. Don't follow." And then she left the room.

Ash got up leaving the room so once everyone was gone I got out of my bed and stood up immediately flying to the ground. Jensen and andy heard a thump on the ground to find me in the room laughing hysterically on the ground.

They gave me a strange look and chuckled before they came to my side and helped me onto the hospital bed. "Wanna get some coffee?" Jensen asked and I nodded my head. Andy picked me up while Jensen wheeled the thing carrying the bag hooked to my IV. They made it to the front of the hospital and Andy sat me on a chair and jensen got the coffee."

I drank the coffee and put my heart to my chest offended "im offended that u dont know what i like in my coffee" I then look over to andy and say "this motherfucker gave me black decaf!! Andy then put his hand to his heart too then we busted out laughing . I had andy wheel me out to Grace sitting on a bench outside then he left us alone.

It was starting to rain slightly more and I had my head in my hands. My body was shaking from the cold air surrounding us. "Do you ever just get tiered?" She asked and you gave me a questioning look. "Tired of what?" And I gave a low laugh. "Of I don't know.... Everything?" Things were quiet for a moment.

"If what you mean is life and you just want to stop fighting and you have no energy for anything and it feels like you've been dead for a while but your still breathing i know exactly what you're talking about. " I look over to grace to see if I was right because honestly thats me daily and it would be great to know someone feels the same.

She nods her head and shakes a bit more. "It's like the fight I had just left. I don't wanna do anything. I can hardly ever wake up. Or I can't fall asleep and even then there nightmares. But the worst part is when I wake up the nightmare doesn't end." She says quietly looking down to the ground. My shaking was progressively getting worse. "Cas your gonna get sick. Go back inside. I'll be in soon.

"If you haven't noticed i cant walk...trust me i tried " i think back laughing. And plus if i get sick i might have a possibility of dying .i say with a smirk...if the bastards wouldn't of called an ambulance they could've ended my nightmare. They dont realize im fucking tired and i want to sleep but i cant. I cant sleep. I cant wake up. I cant eat. I dont want to live" i say shakily hoping you understand.

"I just want to run away. All of this.... Everything that happens...... It's always bad.... I'm stuck in this fuckin rut and I can't get out. And Cas I don't want you to die. It would kill me and it would make everything suck more. Cause then i have no best friend. You may not realize it but you. Have people that wanna help.... And you can get it..." she said and then a few tears drop down her face. Mixing with the ran. Andy came out and gave me a disapproving look. "Come on love, let's get you inside and dried off." He said and picked you up. She looked off and got up and stared to walk away from the hospital.

I started screaming NO ANDY DONT TOUCH ME IM NOT DONE he immediately was confused with my temper but i havent told anyone yet what the doctors told me this morning and its scaring the shit out of me but i have a plan...they r sending me to maryville but I plan on being dead by then but i need to make sure my best friend wont try to come with me once i leave...