Lost in Dallas [COMPLETED]

14.

ADRIANNA'S POV

I woke up to the sound of a cry and the feel of someone holding my left hand. I open my eyes and i'm in an unknown room. White walls. Machines. A chair. Flowers. Tons of flowers. Red roses, my favorites.
And the i looked at my body. I was in a bed wrapped in comfy sheets. I had tubes inserted in my right hand. And then i noticed a white band aid patch on my wrist with a little peek of blood.
Memories hit my mind like a truck. The pictures, Jack on my front door, Cam being beaten up, me ending thing between us, me running to the bathroom, the blade through my wrist, and then... Black. That's it. I don't remember anything else. A tear escape my eye and i let out a a sight. Then i noticed the hand grabbing my left hand tightened.
"Baby girl? Oh my baby girl", someone says sobbing, with clear pain in their voice. I turn my face to see who it is and it's Jason, my big brother. His face is puffy. His eyes look red & tired. He's been crying. He seems so broken, so fragile. And it's my fault.
"I'm sorry Jason", i manage to say. My voice feels heavy but broken. Such an awful sound.
"No my baby, you don't have to say sorry, it's all fine. You're fine. You'll be fine i promise", he says while stroking my hair. I can notice how he's doing his best to hold the tears and how fragile he is. He's been. Because of my stupidity.

Jason always has been my motor to go on in life. We've been pretty tight since i was born. He has always take good care of me.
My mother used to say he was really unhappy as a kid. He never smiled until i was born. The day i was born my mom cried more because Jason smiled than because she had me. And it's been us against the world. Always. I feel so selfish right now. I didn't wanted to commit suicide i just needed to feel something else than pain but i was so selfish and didn't thought in the people i could affect.
More than anyone else (even my parents), my brother. The one who keeps me with feet on earth.

"I won't do it again Jason... I promise and i mean it..."

"It's okay baby girl. I don't know what or who made you do that but i promise you that i won't let that happen again. You're everything to me". And by saying that he breaks. He starts crying. And not this kind of normal cry. A deep, sad cry. A desperate one. His blue eyes are filled with tears, pain, and frustration. I pull him towards me and give him a big hug. A hug filled with love, compassion, trust.

"I love you Jason", i say to his ear.
By saying this i feel how his muscles relax against my fragile body. I can feel his smile in my hear.
He kisses my forehead and say "i love you more baby girl".
I smile. I don't know what i would do without Jason. He's been the only capable of putting an smile on my face. He's my brother and my best friend and i'm grateful to have him.

After a few hours eating, talking and joking with Jason, i feel so much better. He told me i've been here for two days. Mom and Dad don't know about what happened and i'm not planning on telling them. They're on a long business trip. Also, the last time something like this happened they wanted to put me on a Supportive Internate, which is (kinda) a place when you can "recover" from depression, anxiety, eating desorders and that kind of stuff. I've heard those  places are horrible.
He also told me Molly and some college friends came to see me. Molly cried when she saw me and it's because i looked dead.
I felt almost tempted to ask if Cam came to see me and just like Jason could read my mind he told me: "Ah! And there's this boy who came to see you, with brown hair, i don't remember his name but he seemed very worried".
Surprisely, my heart filled with joy, excitement and even... Hope. But everything changed when he told me "ahhh, i remember. His name was Jack Gilinsky or something".
My jaw dropped. My heart beat went fast. Jason held my hand and my muscles relaxed.
"I don't wanna see him Jason. We used to date if three weeks are called "dating". Ended awful. I don't wanna have anything to do with him just so you know". He nodded and we started watching tv but i was distracted. Cameron didn't came to see me. Maybe he doesn't know what happened. Yeah, maybe he didn't. And it hit me. There i was defending his actions. Maybe i'm over-reacting. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I need to get him out of my mind anyways.

After 6 more hours the doctor came into my room and told me i'll be able to leave in a few minutes. Jason and i are very happy.

"Can we watch movies and eat popcorn when we get home?", i ask.
He smiles. "Of course baby girl, anything you want".

It feels good to be home. It feels i've been out since forever.
Walking through my front door i noticed a jar with red and white roses. They're beautiful. Who would have sent this? I grabbed the jar and an envelope fell in the floor. I grabbed it, got into the house, left the jar in my kitchen's sink and sat on the living room to open the envelope. It was a letter with a beautiful hand writing. It said:

"Dear Ade,

After leaving your house the other day so many things filled my mind. Pain, anger, happiness, love, hate, kindness... And you. Mostly you. There's so many things i've wanted to tell you and now i've lost the chance to do so. So i've decided to write this letter even though i don't have an idea of how to write one so i'll just out all my thoughts, feelings and honesty in this damn piece of paper.
When you collided with me in that hallway and i picked you up took you to the nursing room, i couldn't stop looking at your face, at your cheeks, at your chin, at your ears. You seemed so vulnerable in my arms yet so beautiful. When we got there and they took good care fo you, i could have left but i didn't. I didn't wanted to though. Something inside me wanted to know your name, your age, your likes and dislikes. Something inside me was craving for me to know you. When you woke up feeling lost and scared looking around i felt a pinch inside me. And damn, when i took you to your class that day and you smiled me "good bye", you disarmed me. Your smile pushed a bottom i didn't knew i had.
But dang it Ade, when the next day you told me you didn't wanted to have anything to do with me, i went crazy. I went mad. I went home and threw everything around. I didn't knew you'd affect me like that. I barely knew you at that time. But then the at party... I won't even talk about it because i went full douche back there and i'm sorry. Since those words came out of my mouth i've been feeling guilty. Even more, i've felt disgusted about myself. Ashamed. And i'm so sorry. Watching you cry because of my jealousy & my ego made me so damn vulnerable. It broke something inside me. I wish i could've proved you wrong about me that night... Maybe things would've been different if. Dang it Ade, i know it will.
But it was until i knew you were dating Jack that i knew i was really into you. When i saw you holding hands with him, kissing him and being in our house every damn time i flipped. I started to hang out more. I couldn't be in the same place you were. And it bugged me because Jack used to be my best friend and i couldn't do that to him. But i couldn't see your damn happy face and know that happiness wasn't because of me. Your smile made me fragile & weak. In a good way.
And i gotta say Ade... I've never felt this way about a girl before. And it's odd for me to admnit this because i still don't know the whole meaning of "love" or "being in love", but i'm deeply in love with you. With your eyes, with your smile, with your freckles. Dang it Ade, i'm in love with your f*cking guts. I'm in love of the way you make me feel. I'm in love of the stupid smile i have everytime i'm around you. I'm in love with the touch of your hands and the warmness of your lips. I'm in love with the sync our lips have everytime they collide to each other. I'm in love with your voice. Damn, i'm in love with the way you said my name when you made love. I'm in love with being in love with you. You gave the phrase "i love you" another fucking meaning. I did never say "i love you" to another woman but my mom & my sister until you appeared. And fuck myself if i'm wrong but you love me, too. I felt it. And it feels so good to know you love me.
But dang Ade... Nothing last forever. Or at least not my happiness. When i saw those pictures my body trembled. My anger went from 0 to 100 real quick. I knew it was Jack because he's the only person who knew about the place except from us. And the reason he knew was because he showed me that place. When my father died, i was devastated. He was my best friend, my right hand, my everything. And life took him away from me in a very sad way. The only one capable of understand my pain was Jack. So he took me to the place where his wounds healed when his Dad died. Since the day he took me there, i made that place mine. So... That's why he knew. And i'm sorry he fucked up like that. But still, it's my fault. You were his girl and i were his best friend. I should've stayed away but i didn't.
I'm sorry about all the pain i've cause you Ade. I'm so sorry. Hope to have your forgiveness someday.
When you're reading this i'll probably be on my way Indiana with Taylor (i hope you remember him). I can't stay away from you yet can't be around you because i hurt you every damn time i am. So i decided to leave. Have a good life. Fall in love. Be happy. I wish you nothing but the best.
I will never forget you Ade.
You're the first and only woman i will ever love. Remember that.

Love,
Cameron."