Lost in Dallas [COMPLETED]

23.

ADRIANNA

Have you ever lose someone you thought you would never lose?
Have you ever think thought about your future, having that person in it?
Have you ever lose someone yet you don't believe it?
Have you ever waited in your living room waiting for that person come through your front door and say ''i'm home!''?
Have you ever realized that's not gonna happen yet you still have hope it does?

It's like, you clearly know that person is gone. You clearly know that person left this world. You know it but you don't accept it. You think it's a joke. You think it's April's fool day and they're playing with you. You just seat in your living room waiting for them to come home again. And you wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, but they don't.
Then you start wondering if it's real but you're just cheating on yourself because, from the start, you knew it was.

That's me right now.
I'm sitting in the well decorated living room of the house i grew up looking at the front door waiting for my father to come home from one of his business trips like he always does, only this time he's not coming back. Only this time he took a trip to a better place, away from me and his family.
I still can't believe he's gone. I still can't believe he's not going to come through that door with an smile on his face and kiss my mom on the lips, me on the cheek and give a high five to my brother.
I still can't believe there will be an empty spot in our dinner table.
I still can't believe he's not gonna ask about my day. About my grades. About my hobbies. About my life.
I still can't believe he will not longer play football every sunday with my brother outside.

When my mother called me while i was having dinner with Chris' parents, i couldn't believe what she was saying. She told me over the phone that my father was involved in a car accident on his way home and he was on his way to the hospital.
I didn't knew how to react. I just lost the control of my body and mind. I was too shocked. I had a panic attack and i passed out on Chris parents kitchen.
After a few minutes i woke up confused but minutes later everything went back to me. My mom crying, the call, my dad's accident, the hospital.
I tried my best to explain Chris what happened. I guess in that moment all he understood was my dad having a car accident and being on his way to the hospital.
He grabbed my hand and drove me there.
There's no many hospitals in Chino, so we went to the most popular one, when all the 911 emergency calls are directed to: Pomona Valley Hospital.

When we got there, i walked out of the car real quick while Chris looked for a parking lot. The hospital parking lot was full so he needed to look for one in the street.
When i ran towards the Emergency Room area, i saw my brother and my mom sitting in the waiting room crying inconsolably. I stood there watching my brother and my mom crying hard and i knew. I knew i got here too late. I knew he was gone by the moment i saw them crying so hard.

My family had plans.
My dad was supposed to see my brother graduate college and play professional football.
My dad was supposed to see me graduate and have my own art gallery.
My dad was supposed to retire when he turned 55 and just live happily with my mom.
Traveling, having fun, leaving the rest of their life.
My dad was supposed to give my brother advice and help him choose a weeding ring for his future wife in the future.
My dad was supposed to walk me through the aisle the day of my wedding.
My dad was supposed to be happy with me, my brother and my mom.
We had plans. Goals. Goals we wanted to achieve together.

But that won't happen.

And i'm still here sitting on the same couch we used to watch movies and tv shows.

In the same couch we used to sit and talk about the most random stuff.
In the same couch we laughed about the silly things in life.

I'm here looking at the door waiting for him to come home again.

But he hasn't been home in two days and even if it hurts, i need to accept the fact that he won't come in through that door. Not today, not tomorrow. He just won't come in through that door at all.

''Hey baby girl '', my brother says getting me out of my thoughts.
''Yeah?'', i answer.
''Get ready, the service starts in one hour'', he says and i can feel the pain in his heart. He's about to break down. I stood up and walk towards him and hug him giving him the chance to cry on my shoulder freely. And he does. I do, too.

''I miss him so much Ade '', he cries in my shoulder hugging me tightly.
''I miss him too Jason, so much '', i say.

And that's all. We don't need to say anything else. We just stood there hugging each other tightly letting our tears stream down our cheeks. We don't need anything else because we know we have each other. We will always have each other and that's a promise i know neither of us will break.

After a few minutes he breaks our hug and say: ''C'mm baby girl, go get ready'', he says kissing my forehead. I nod in agreement and turn myself to start walking upstairs but i stop.
I turn around again and see my brother looking at the floor. I know he feels lost in his own house.

I know, because i feel lost too. I ran towards him and hug him again saying:
''I love you so much Jason, you're the best brother and friend ever.''
"I love you too baby girl. You're everything to me", he says.
We break our hug one more time and i walk upstairs to get ready for my dad's service.

I'm not emotionally ready to see my dad's body be buried 50 meters on earth. I'm not ready.
I'm not ready to stand up in front of everyone in my dad's law office, the Police Department, senators and our community and talk about my dad. About how caring and loving he was. About how good parent he was to me and Jason. About how well he raised us. About how passionate he was of his work. About how much he loved my mom. I 'm just not ready to talk about my dad. But i will. Not because i have to but because he deserves to be remembered as the good, loving, caring human being, parent and husband he was.
It will be hard, but he deserves it. Plus, i'll have my family, Molly & Chris by my side supporting me. These past days have been so hard but i'm grateful for having them by my side. I couldn't ask for better people to be in my life right now..
Yeah, it will be hard to stand up and talk in front of those people i barely met.
But i'm sure this would've made my dad happy.
So yeah, i'll this for him and only him.

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All the love always,

Adrianna.