Lost in Dallas [COMPLETED]

15.

ADRIANNA'S POV

I held the letter in my hands for at least 45 minutes without saying anything. I feel how tears are pushing their way out of my eyes and i let them. My body started shaking. Soon enough i realized i was having a panic attack.

Jason asks me if i'm okay. There's no answer. I'm not okay. I've never felt this kind of pain. I feel a deep itch inside my chest. I feel like losing my breath. I feel melancholy, misery, anxiety, self-disgust, impatience. Too many mixed feelings. But there's one i've been feeling since i started reading Cam's letter: regret.

Regret for not listening, regret for letting him go. Well, regret for making him believe that leaving was the only option he had. Regret of loving him and not letting him know.

I'm doing everything to keep my breath but it's so hard. Jason's hugging me tightly and i let myself cry freely. Cry hard. Cry desperate. Cry broken.

There was so many unknown things about Cam, but the only one i really cared about was his feelings for me. And now i know them, but he's not around anymore.

''I'm so stupid'', i cry in my brother's shoulder. He hugs me even tighter. Since i've been a kid, Jason's hugs has been the cure to all the pain. But tonight i'll need something else to start crying and feeling like shit. Some stuff go through my mind but i promised Jason i wouldn't do it anymore.

My relationship with Cam didn't started as relationships should start but i didn't care. All that mattered was us. Together.

And he loved me. Me. And i wondered why. I'm not that pretty, i used to be the fat kid in high-school, people bullied me, i've tried to kill myself several times, and i don't have any friends (except for Molly). He loved me. A piece of nothing. Why would he even?

But the thing is, when we were together he made me feel i was so much more than that. He made me feel loved, confident, special, unique. And damn, i'm in love with him, too. I'm in love with his smile. His smile could light up a thousand cities. I'm in love with his the warm of his body and the taste of his lips. And God, i'm in love with who i am when i'm with him. He makes me feel like i worth something. Like i am something.

And then it hit me. I just lost the first person who loved me.