Lost in Dallas [COMPLETED]

35.

I haven't been updating bc the lack of active readers. Like, i see '40 seen' but no votes or comments and that's disappointing. Aren't you liking the story so far? Like, i know it started kinda shitty but that's how you develop a plot i guess... Anyways, here you go another chapter. I'm thinking about ending this story soon, idk...

P.s: i changed my username from haroldswolves to zteamy. I know i've changed my username like 23454 times but this is the last time lmao. Enjoy.

-A x

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CAMERON

The flight from Indiana to Los Angeles arrived two hours ago. Was probably the shittiest flight i've been; not because the service was bad but because it was so freaking silent. Ade sat next to the window, and she seemed so freaking lost. Taylor seemed he was about to ask the pilot to turn the plane around and i, well, i kept drinking that shitty wine they give you on flights; it's more like ranch grape juice but i wasn't complaining. I thought about 23456 times if coming back and touring again was the right thing to do. Deeply inside i knew it wasn't, because i was so comfortable at Taylor's, far away from all the things this webstar life brought me; i wasn't being ungrateful though, probably some people thought i was. Hell damn, i bet even my mother and sister thought so. It is what it looks like and probably because it's the reality. I just wanted to be a normal guy with a normal like, but it was probably to late for that. It seemed like the things i wanted could cost be my whole life friends. That'd be unbearable to me. My friends have always been my motor, my strength, my support. Ade too. It seemed like i needed to choose between them two; fuck, it was what i had to do. I knew it. It was gonna be so fucking hard to have a relationship with her and touring at the same time. I liked touring though. Having fun with my guys, traveling the world. I liked everything. I think i started falling out of place when fans started appearing at my doorstep at 5 a.m, or when i couldn't go to the supermarket because i got mobbed; when i was banned from bars and places i liked to visit because teenagers followed me there, making a whole mess; pushing people, hitting people and shoving phones to my face. I think the moment i knew i was done was when my chauffeur ran over one of my fan's feet. It was heartbreaking. Luckily for both of us, she was okay, she only got a cast. But it was alarming to me seeing her in the floor, her face soaked in tears... I knew after i couldn't do this anymore. That i was done. That this was probably too much. And it was. I needed a break and i think Ade gave me the break i needed. God damn she did. She was such a breath of fresh air. I think i've never felt so alive in my whole life until i met her. But coming to this... Would it be worth it lost my friends because a girl? I knew the answer to that. She knew the answer too. Of course it wasn't worth it. I knew Nash and the guys would never make me choose between them and Ade. Never. But deep inside i know it's something i have to do. I can't make her wait for me for 8 months. I wasn't sure of it either. I wasn't sure i could wait. 8 months.. Was almost a year. Anything could happen in 8 months. My life —or hers could change totally in that lapse of time. My world changed in just a month, when i met her. How on earth things won't change in that large lapse of time when only in 12 hours we've fell apart.

Sitting next to Ade and see how she closed her eyes shut every fucking time i grabbed her hand killed me. It was like she couldn't handle my touch. It was weird, she knew we'd spend some time apart; half a year to be exact. I was planning to spend every second with her before leaving yet it seemed like she didn't wanted to. I knew she was hurt because i took this decision without her. I think i should've asked first instead of buying two fucking plane tickets back to Los Angeles without even asking. But, as i did, she left her family, her college, her friends. Or well, the few friends she has left. Even thinking about Molly and that fucking piece of shit of Chris, my heart races. It pissed me off even to think about it. We've been pass that, i know, but still bugs me. He used her bright, young soul to attack me. The look on his face when our eyes met was... I don't fucking know. But there was something in his face. Probably regret or enjoyment, who the hell knows.

I don't even know why i'm swearing so much, not that is bad though; it's like i'm looking for every reason to distract myself from the actual issue, my relationship. No wait, let me rethink that. It's just a problem i guess. Isn't that the same? I don't know, i'm not even thinking straight. I planned to stop by to my apartment, have a shower and take Ade out yet she took a taxi towards her home. As soon as our flight landed, she told me she ain't heading my apartment but her parents' house. I was like, okay, fine, yet she didn't even said good bye. She didn't said anything. She just waved. Who the fuck waves to her boyfriend good bye? Probably that's why i'm so pressed, so pissed, so stressed. Taylor didn't wanted to stay at my place either, he went to Carter's which felt like he was cheating on me. Carter is a nice guy though, but Taylor hates Pierre, Carter's roommate; yet he fucking decided to go there and sleep until the tour started —which is in a week and half, or two, whatever. That's why i'm sitting half naked in the sofa of my living room, my eyes on the television who's playing 'How I Met Your Mother', one of my favorite tv shows; my mind was in other place. I kept repeating the past on my head over and over the past week, and what happened after that, and after that and that's how it goes. I kept repeating the past in my head over and fucking over until i stop when i remember her body colliding with me in that fucking hallway. I could just take her to the nursery and then go to my class; that'd probably saved me from all this fucking mess. If i'd just left her there, probably i wouldn't be in this paradigm. Anyways, it's already done and to be honest i wouldn't change a thing. Well, probably a few things... But i don't regret meeting her and surely i don't regret loving her.

My phone started ringing, playing that track from Rae Sremmurd, 'This Could be Us'. I had my doubt of picking up or not. Truly i didn't wanted to talk with anybody right now, not even Ade. I just wanted to be alone with my loneliness, even it that doesn't make sense at all. I look at the bright screen and noticed Taylor was calling me. Oh, right, now he wants to talk. Funny.

'Hello', i mumbled on the phone clearly annoyed. 'I'm coming over', he said between his teeth, not even greeting me. Where the fuck are his manners? I laughed dryly. 'What happened with Carter?'. 'You know how much Pierre pisses me off', he sighed. 'I want to take off already'. I laughed again, him following behind. 'Fine dude, it's fine'. 'Good', he said ending the phone call. I looked at my phone and laughed dryly, probably because i was way too pissed to even do other thing. My mind went to Ade once again. I kept planning on my mind what i'm gonna do, if breaking up with her is actually the answer. Probably it is. It wouldn't be fair at all for her, or me, or anyone. Because probably i'd be repeating myself over and over the same thing, i wouldn't be focused, i would be spending all my free time on FaceTime with her, or texting her —perhaps it'd be easier if i'd take her with me. That could be chaotic too.

The fact this was falling apart, it didn't hurt me, it pissed me. I knew it was bothering her as well. I've been trying to get in touch with her since i got home yet she hasn't picked her phone or answered to my texts. Well then, fine, whatever. Seemed like probably she took a decision. What did she wanted anyways, come with me? It'd be chaotic. My fans would treat her like shit; i went through that with Rachel already, not planning on going through the same hell again. It wasn't healthy for our relationship; wasn't healthy for her, too. I think that was one of the factors that made us go separate ways. They hated her. She spent so many days crying and hating herself, thinking she was less because random people on the internet said so. She wasn't at all. Anyways, that was so long ago, didn't even knew why i was thinking about it; i wouldn't let that happen to her. That's the main reason i haven't made it completely official on the social media, but they —the people in the internet— already suspects. It doesn't matter, that's their business. They can believe whatever they want to.

I laid back in the sofa, looking at the white wall on top of me. My brain was as much as the wall, blank; even empty probably. But someone would say i'm drowning in a glass of water; that could probably be true. It was fine, anyways, i knew how to swim...
Or so i thought.