Lost in Dallas [COMPLETED]

31.

5k reads. Thank you. It might not be a lot but surely means a lot to me.

-A

----------------------------------------

CAMERON

''That'd be $18.45 bucks'', says the kid while handing me the box of pizza Taylor previously ordered.

''Here'', i give him $25, ''keep the change'', i say putting an smile in his face.

''Thanks dude'', he says walking to his motorcycle and drives off.

Thunderstorms were singing in the sky, more like making awful sounds, as a sign there's gonna rain hard tonight. I don't have a problem with that, the sound of the rain sooth me and makes me wanna crawl up in a ball and sleep. Probably everyone has the same feeling.

We sat in front of the T.V. while Taylor drove past at least one hundred channels trying to find a good movie to watch. It's funny how he pays almost $100 dollars for his T.V. cable service yet he never finds something to watch. We always end up putting Netflix and watching one of those crappy old bad action movies they have.

Tonight was no difference. After at least 35 minutes of passing through channels he finally decided to put on Netflix. I wasn't paying so much attention to it. I was on my phone, going through my Twitter mentions and reading the lovely tweets my hands always send me. It seemed so unfair they're putting so much effort and patience in someone like me, who doesn't want the life they still think i'm living. They're still tweet me pictures and lovely things and make gifts to me and they're telling me they'll be patient until i'm ready to go back on tour. How on earth i'll have the heart to tell these young, loving and caring ladies that i'm not gonna go back to that life? How i'm gonna pop out to them and tell them: ''hey thank you for all the energy you put into me, also for all the money you've spent to get to have a 10 seconds hug and a probably crappy picture because i'm too tired to even smile in yours but i'm done with this life i want to be an average teenager again so thank you very much''? How the hell do i excuse myself or explain to them why i'm basically leaving them because i'm just done? Because i'm just way too broken to even do an effort to get my shit together and basically i don't wanna do any of that anymore? That i'm tired to go to red carpets, long ass reunions and not be able to even go to the super-market to get a fucking carton of mil without being mobbed with teenagers?

How do i tell that to people who tweet me everyday i've saved them? That i'm the reason they stopped harming themselves? That i'm the reason they wake up alive?

Yeah, it's wrong. I shouldn't be the reason of any of that, but they assure i am. And they believe it, too. So how do i take that away from them?

While the rain pours outside, i go through my contacts and look for Adrianna's number one more time. It's there, tempting me to call it. But i refuse myself to do so. It's frustrating, This freaking story it's repeating itself over and over. First we're together, then we're done, then we're together, then we're done and so and so and so; honestly, i'm tired of it. Not tired, I'm exhausted. My heart can't handle any more punches of her and i'm just can't take them anymore. Without any hesitation, i delete her phone number. Also all the texts we've sent each other.

The next thing i know i'm in my picture gallery, about to delete all the pictures we've taken together. They're not much but they're quite cute. I can't stop staring at my phone. Her smily, happy face is filling my phone's screen. She looks so happy by my side. She looks so sun-kissed it even feels illegal to be staring at this picture of her. Her hair is in a ponytail, it was weird for her to do ponytails or braid her hair. She liked it loose and free, just like her soul, she used to say. She was wearing a blue dress with white dots and red lipstick on her lips. It was just a selfie, but she was smiling. Widely. She was happy, so happy and my heart filled with joy to see, in that moment, i was the cause of her happiness.