Never Have I Ever|| z.m

All American Rejects

This was it. The moment of truth. Either Harry and I get together after this, or things stay how they are. We remain friends and try to forget that we ever kissed, ever had feelings for each other.

I was nervous. Nervous was an understatement. I was going out of my fuckin mind.

I kicked Liam out of the house because I was leaving anyways and when he asked where I was going, I explained that Harry and I were finally going to talk and my stomach felt queasy. Liam pursed his lips together and nodded. "What do you want to come out of it?"

"Honestly, I have no idea." I murmured. "I mean, God.. I love him. But I love him like I love you. I think. But I could love him a whole lot harder than that. I could love him to pieces if I tried."

"Key word there is tried. Like you want to force yourself into it Em." I sighed.

"It's not that I want to force myself into it.. Or maybe I am. I think I could be happy with him again Liam but I don't want to get my hopes up because I don't know what he wants."

"He did kiss you first."

"That doesn't mean anything." I murmured, shaking my head. Liam smiled softly and kissed my forehead.

"Whatever happens, you're still going to be friends. Even if you guys break up."

"Ugh. Thanks." I grumbled. Liam laughed. We walked down to their dorms together but parted ways as we headed up to different levels of the building. Liam wished me good luck. I texted Harry that I was there as soon as I stepped onto his floor, heading towards the door.

Louis was exiting right as I walked up. He smiled and let go of the door handle, leaving the door open. I smiled upon seeing him. "Hey, I've missed you." Louis laughed.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I miss seeing your awful face." I joked. Louis rolled his eyes. "We should hang out again. Get ice cream." Louis laughed, nodding.

"Just pick a date Em." He glanced back behind him towards the room. "Whatever happens. I'm cool with it."

"Thanks for your blessing." I whispered back.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye Louis!" I called out stepping into the room. Harry was already standing, running a hand through his hair nervously. "Hey."

"Hi." I walked in and closed the door.

"So.. How do we start?" Instead of answering, Harry walked over and kissed me, his hands on my cheeks. I kissed him back. "Good start." I murmured as he pulled away. Harry smirked and took my hand. We sat down shoulder to shoulder on his bed, holding hands.

"Do you like me?" Harry questioned.

"I want to know what you want my answer to be." I countered, Harry bit his bottom lip.

"I want to hear a yes." He paused. "But I also want to hear no. It would make things easier." My heart fluttered a little.

"Why would it make things easier?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

"Tell me what you want first." Harry interrupted. I breathed out.

"If you want to ask me out, I wouldn't say no."

"Because you feel sorry for me?"

"No because you're a great guy and you're one of my best friends. I wouldn't.. I'm not like that Harry." He pursed his lips and said nothing. "You believe me right?"

"Yeah."

"Now tell me why me not wanting to be with you would be easier. Easier than what?"

"It would just be easier." I waited for him to elaborate. He sighed heavily. "Look, I really like you Emma..."

"Then that's the end of it."

"No, Em. It's not. It's not that simple."

"Yes it is."

"Amelia please." I stared at him. It was the first time he'd used my full name and it sounded almost as beautiful as when Zayn called me that. Harry smiled softly. "Zayn always said that would shut you up."

"I don't want to talk about Zayn."

"We have to." I frowned.

"Have to? Zayn has nothing to do with you and I."

"It has everything to do with you and I." Harry snapped. I wanted to let go of his hand because I was angry but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "The only reason we're even friends is because of him." I shook my head no even though he was right. "It's true, Emma. You know it is."

"Why does it matter? I don't care who made us friends. I just care about you."

"You can't be with me."

"Why? Are you going to forbid me from it Harry?" I demanded.

"No. I'm just going to let you go." I stared at him confused. "I'll be damned if I don't admit it so I'm just going to say it. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Amelia.." My heart thumped in my chest. "But you don't belong with me."

"To hell with that. Why.." He put his hand over my mouth and shut me up. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Please don't argue right now. You can talk when I'm done but if we discuss things.. I'll loose my nerve." I sighed and he slowly dropped his hand. "I never believed in that soulmate crap. It was just that, crap." Soulmate? "But if it's not crap, if people really do have soulmates, then you're Zayn's soulmate." I opened my mouth but he continued. "He's your soulmate okay? He's yours, your his."

"People don't belong to people." I murmured. The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. "And how can you know for sure? What if I'm not Zayn's soulmate? What if I'm yours?" He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. I might have gone to far.

"You complete me but I don't complete you Amelia."

"But.."

"You and Zayn were meant for each other and whatever happened with us along the way, is non-essential."

"Harry.." I whispered.

"I'm okay with just being your friend. I'll remember whatever this thing we had was for the rest of my life but we can only be friends. I know you'll be okay with that. You love Zayn."

"Why does everyone keep trying to tell me how I feel?" I demanded. Harry laughed lightly.

"Because you seem to have forgotten." My shoulders dropped and I stared at the sheets of his bed unhappily. I recalled my conversation with Liam, how I had said I could love Harry, if he let me. I wish I hadn't put so much hope behind those words.

"I'm not in love with Zayn."

"Okay but you can fall back in love with him like that." He snapped his fingers. "I'm just a roadblock and so is Kendall." I was about to argue with him but he continued. "And after you leave, you're heading straight to wherever Kendall is and you're breaking off whatever you have with him. And this discussion about us, it will be closed."

"Harry all you've done is talk about what you want but what about what I want?"

"What do you want?" He questioned. Funny, I didn't have the answer to the question. Harry smiled and kissed my forehead. "Believe me, it's for the best."

We didn't say much after that. I sat leaned up against him, holding his hand and staring at the empty bed across the room. He was stroking the back of my hand with his thumb and I closed my eyes to remember the feeling. Would we still do stuff like this? Would he let me hold his hand? There was something comforting about it.

"You're still my best friend." Harry murmured. "My girl best friend anyways." I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"Can we still do stuff like this?" I questioned.

"Hell yeah." I laughed and squeezed his hand. "You're a very comfortable person." Harry said with a smile.

Thirty minutes later I was getting up to leave and I promised Harry I would go straight to Kendall's but unknown to him, I had a different thing in mind. I turned as I was about to leave the room. "Can I.." I stopped and Harry smiled, leaning in. That was the last time we would kiss ever again.