Almost Alice » l.h

3.7

During lunch on Tuesday, Calum wanted me to tutor him on what To Kill A Mockingbird was about. I would've rather had him just read it before the senior trip but I knew that wasn't happening anytime soon so I felt bad turning him down. I brought my chicken salad to the library and waited for him to show up. Of course, I should've known better than to go by myself because Ross was there. Thankfully, he didn't bring his friends that spiked my drink with him.

"Well, hello, Albert." he smiled sweetly as he walked over to me.

I rolled my eyes, not going to give him the satisfaction of upsetting me from his half-assed insult. "Hey."

"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked me as he sat down across from me and put his feet up on the table. "I thought he said he wasn't gay."

I shrugged. "He decided he liked my dick size. What do you want?"

He looked slightly surprised I was going along with his dumb jokes but tried to keep his composure. "There's a party Friday night and I want you to go so we can talk business."

"Business?" I quizzed, raising an eyebrow. "I wouldn't exactly call you tormenting me and me putting up with it business."

He chuckled. "Well, I want to make a deal with you. Just make sure you're there."

"I don't do parties. I'm a recovering alcoholic." I deadpanned.

"Of course you are," he breathed and nodded. He handed me a piece of paper with an address on it, "but you don't have to drink, you just have to show up for ten minutes."

"I plan on being quicker than that."

"I don't." he stated before standing up out of his chair and walking out of the library.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw Violet sitting in a chair behind me, looking concerned.

"I wouldn't go if I were you." she told me.

As she stood up and walked over to where Ross had been sitting, I sighed and said, "What else am I supposed to do? If I don't stand up to him alone, he'll always think I'm scared and he'll never stop. I'll bring like, pepper spray or mace or something."

"You need a license to use one of those." she informed me. She was a cop's daughter, of course she knew this stuff. "But that's not the point. Point is, Ross will pull something but it'll probably be worse than last time. At least tell someone you're going so they can sneak there and keep an eye on you."

"But that's what he expects and he'll probably be looking out for one of my friends to show up." I countered. "I have to do this alone and I can do it alone."

"You're just asking for a disaster, Alice."

"I don't need to ask for them, they just happen with me."

-

That afternoon, I sat at the cliff with Amy. It had been a while since just the two of us hung out so we sat by the edge and stuck our feet under the guardrails, letting them dangle there. We mostly talked about our classes that we didn't have together and how mom seemed to be happier now that she wasn't stuck at home with me all the time. She also kept asking a lot about my relationship with Luke which led me to think she was starting to get protective again.

"Amy?" I asked. "Why do you keep asking about what Luke and I do? You trust him, right? He's one of your best friends."

"I trust him with me, not with you." she clarified. "Al, he has really bad anger problems. I'm scared he'll get angry with you around and something bad will happen."

"Luke would never hurt me," I insisted, "and his anger issues are getting better anyway."

She sighed. "We've gone through this before with him. He takes the classes and seems to be getting better but something sets him off and he goes into Hulk mode where nothing calms him down. You haven't seen him at his worst, Alice, you can't tell me that you trust him completely yet."

"Amy, he's the first boy I've ever gotten this close to." I said, looking over at her. "Please don't ruin this for me. I know it might not have seemed like it before but I do want to get married and have a family and just be normal for once. Luke makes me feel normal and like I have a chance at living a normal life after high school."

"Why after high school?"

"There's no way I can be normal with Ross convincing people I'm really a guy and getting the transphobic assholes all riled up. I'm not even trans! But if I was, they still shouldn't be so close minded. Jesus, it's 2015 and we still have to explain this shit to people?"

Amy chuckled. "You're starting to sound more like me. Maybe public school was bad for you."

"No," I smiled and shook my head, "it's the best thing to happen to me. Before, I thought I was a freak. I tried too hard to dress girly so people would think I was a girl because I had told myself I wasn't just because that's what I thought everyone else would think. But I realized none of that was me. I'm not a goody-two-shoes who dresses perfect and does what everyone wants her to even if it's not what she likes - at least, I don't want to be that. I liked dressing like you and swearing and doing things I haven't done before. I'm starting to actually realize who I am and I wouldn't have if I didn't go to public school and you didn't make me lie to everyone. In a way, it's like I wasn't lying, I was just still figuring it all out, you know?"

"You wanna cut all your hair off and dye it blue too?" she grinned jokingly.

I nodded. "Yeah totally! Right after I get my nipples pierced and run away to be in a punk band and live in a van with my band."

"Okay but I would definitely do that if I had any talent whatsoever." she laughed.