Fixing What Fell Apart

What now?

"My last tear just fell from my eye told myself that I wasn't gon' cry no more
Ya did what you did
It is what it is and that's why I walked out the door
Moved on with my life but not really
Spent too much time wondering how could you, you do this to us
Thought we were in love
Guess I was I thinking too much
I was thinking that the sex had you locked
You never could get enough cause you know I kept it hot
I listened to you tell me your dreams and your fears
I wiped your tears
I was there and it hurts me." Monica~ Why her
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Journey

Me, Javon, Jiovonni, Alana, Nicki, Kenya and Anthony were in the hospital waiting room. Blake and Cole had left our house when the ambulance came and my nana and my mother had stayed with Jaylen and Jerry.

I stared into space as I processes everything that had happened. Erica was in surgery so I was just praying for the best. I couldn't help but think who would want to do this to Javon. They were aiming for him despite the fact he had a child in hand but why? I could feel Javon staring a hole in my face but I didn't dare turn his way. I loved him so much and it hurted because he didn't love me the same and if not at all. He couldn't have. I know what I had done to him and Amod but I learned from my mistakes and I learned that I couldn't live without him so I didn't know what I was gonna do.

I felt a warm tear roll down my face but I just let it stay because I was too numb to move.

"Aw Jo." Nicki said getting up and sitting beside me. I still didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry that your going through this but just stay calm and don't stress it's in God's hands."

"I'm trying Nicki I swear I am but I can't do this shit anymore it's too much." I whispered and cried at the same time while putting my head in my hands.

I hadn't even realized that Nicki's body was replaced with a bigger and warmer one.

"Get the fuck off me Javon." I said through gritted teeth without looking at him.

"Nene I know your not my biggest fan but let me take care of you right now, please." He begged.

I didn't say anything I just relaxed my shoulders. His touch felt so good but I wouldn't let this last long but in this moment I needed him.

"Let me talk to you in the car real quick." I nodded and got up. We excused our selfs and made our way outside to the car.

I got in and leaned my head on the window.

"Look Jo can I explain myself?"

"I don't care what you do anymore."

"Look Jo I was at the club with cole and Stacy and I got drunk I went in the bathroom and she came and s-she kissed me and then it happened but Jo she don't mean shit to me and I didnt fuck her. It's you I want and love and its always been and I'm sorry that I keep hurting you but if I can take it all back I would I love you so much man but please don't leave me." I saw a tear roll down his cheek that he quickly wiped away. I looked down and shook my head.

"I can't be with you no more I continue to take you back and I hurt myself in the process. You don't love me Jav-"

"No don't say that shit Jo I love you more than I love myself your my world baby I swear I'll do right by you but I need you right now there's somebody out her me tryna shoot at us and I can't leave you like that if something happened to your or Jaylen I don't know what I'd do."

"If you loved me you wouldn't do the shit you do. I need time but I think we should just focus on co parenting Jaylen and not a relationship. Me and Jaylen will be fine I got us since you didn't have me." He tucked his lips and looked out the window before nodding.

"I love you Jo and in the end we're gonna be together."

"I love you too but this relationship stuff ain't for us you hurt me so much in my lifetime for me to take you back this time. Your still a little boy. I just wanted to make you happy J I swear that's all I wanted to do."

"And I'm sorry"

"I know but I can't take you back this time." I sighed and got out the car making my way back to the hospital. I could feel Javon's presence walking behind me but I didn't dare turn around.

"Family of Erica Hayes"

"Right here" I said as I jogged up to him and stood by everyone else. I could tell by his face that it wasn't something good.

"So Ms.Hayes is stable but she is in critical condition. The first bullets went through the stomach and came out the back. The second once grazed her head which wasn't that bad and my he third one went through her chest and is 3cms away from her spinal cord. If it moves any more she will fall into paralysis. She has some internal bleeding as well but we inform you that we're doing our very best."

"Please doc do all you can she has son." I pleaded as I looked at him with hope in my eyes.

"I promise we will ma'am." I nodded and he shook my hand and walked away.

"She can't leave me" I cried as Alana came and wrapped her arms around me.

"She'll be fine baby and you'll be fine. You both have a hug support system and you'll be okay you gotta stop stressing it's not good for the baby." I nodded taking a deep breath calming my nerves.

"We'll take you home to get to Jerry and Jaylen." I nodded as I followed them to the car.

The ride was quiet yet comfortable. I got home to find  Nana My mom Jaylen and Jerry in my bed sleeping with Alvin and the chipmunks playing on the television. I turned it off kissing everyone's forhead I got out clothes to take me a shower and I went to do so. I put on a black sports bra with black boys shorts. I jumped in my bed and cried myself into a deep sleep.