Fixing What Fell Apart

Try Again

"Never should have kissed you, Never made that call.
I told myself, In love I shouldn't fall.
Would've been a pleasure,
Just to know your name.
Look at me, silly me,
Now I'm back in love again.
And there's nothing you can tell me,
Nothing I can do.
I just hope that you're in love with me,
The way that I'm in love with you." Xscape~Do You Want To
***
Journey

I woke up in the bed by myself. I heard moving coming from the front of the house so I got up and went into the bathroom connected to his room. No we hadn't done anything we just laid together after talking for a while and I fell asleep in his arms.

I searched the cabinets for a spare toothbrush and when I found one I brushed my teeth and rinsed my face with water. I looked in the mirror at the bags that had formed from me crying and then I remembered what had happened last night and shook my head.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room to see Amod fully dressed on his couch and when he saw me he smiled.

"I was waiting for you to get up. You wanna go get some breakfast?" I sighed.

"Look at my face and my clothes." I said referring to my hoodie and tights and my puffy eyes.

"You look beautiful come on." He stood up and I followed behind him without argument.

We drove in silence as I nodded my head to some Chris Brown song. I looked over to Amod and smiled at his handsome face and he looked at me and returned the smile before turning around to face the road again.

We got to a IHOP and got out the car. 

He grabbed my hand and led me into the restraunt as the smell of bacon hit me making me hungry instantly.

After the waiter gave us a booth he asked what we wanted to drink and smiled at me before he walked away giving us time to decide what we wanted and Amod rolled his eyes and I laughed to myself.

"So?" I said playing with my hands while looking at him.

He took one of my hands and traced it with his thumb making me smile.

"So I know you was hurt last night over the thing with your dude so were you just in the moment of is there feelings involved?" I
Shrugged and looked behind him not wanting to make eye contact.

"I can't keep playing these games with you Journey. I dealt with this 5 years ago and I'm not gonna sit around and be there when you only want me to or come second. You know I want you but I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you forever Ima move on eventually. It's been years and here I am still in love with but I'm gonna let go eventually." He let go of my hand and the waiter came back with our drinks ready to take our order. After ordering he grabbed our menus and wakes away and I grabbed Amod's hand again.

"I do want you and I'm not the same as I was back then I was only 19 I was a kid but I've matured and I understand what I want. Amod I wanna be with you but so much is happening right now and I don't wanna put this pressure on you giving you damaged goods." I looked down and he touched my chin lifting my head up.

"Let me help you Jo. I don't care what comes with you I just wanna be able to hold you and know that your only mine. That shit that happened with Javon before broke my heart and knowing that he was having your baby and not me had me going crazy but I know that you have a big heart and God put you back in my life for a reason right?" I smiled and nodded.

"I wanna take things slow though. You know what I've been through with Kendrick and I know we're moving fast right now but I know that you won't do me how he did."

He leaned across the table and pecked my lips causing me to smile.

***

Javon

I sat in the hospital bed looking at my daughter and smiling. She was beautiful and she looked exactly like Nalani.

"You think she's gonna look more like you when she's older?" I looked at her and shrugged.

"If she doesn't then I don't mind because she's perfect."

I already knew that I was gonna be overprotective of her especially since she was my only girl. The thought of a man hurting her how I've hurt a lot of women make me rethink a lot.

We'd named her Kyanna Mariah Williams.

The baby started to cry and I shushed her as Nalani pulled out her Breast to breast feed.

"That shit looks painful." I said frowning at the sight.

"It is but it'll be alright." She chuckled and I shook my head.

After a few more minutes I took Kyanna and put her towel on my shoulder before placing her on my shoulder and patting her back gently to burp her.

"You can hit her harder Javon it's gonna take forever is you do it that way. She took her from me Ned told me to put the towel on her shoulder. After I did as told she placed her on her shoulder and started beating on her back causing my eyes to widen.

"Why she ain't crying?" I said looking at Nalani like she was crazy.

"I ain't hurting her." She chuckled and in no time she burped and I took the baby back.

After she got back in my arms the room door opened and I was surprised to see Kendrick. I felt Nalani tense up and I looked at her and scrunched my eyebrows.

"Wassup man?" I asked turning back to him. His eyes went to Kyanna and I sat up holding her tighter.

"Ask her." He said and nodded towards Nalani.

"What he talking about?" She shook her head slowly and Kendrick chuckled.

"I would like to hold my daughter." He said with his head up putting both hands together infront of him.

"Yo what the fuck he talking about Nalani?" I asked confused and She shook her head on the verge of tears.

"You weren't supposed to find out like this." I looked at her in disbelief. I wanted to choke the shit out of her but I wanted to hear more.

"It didn't happen that many times and we used protection the second ti-" my eyes widened.

"The second time ?" I stood up placing my daughter in the little incubator not wanting to go crazy while holding her.

"Javon I was gonna tell you."

"When?" I shouted making my daughter began to cry and I placed the pacifier in her mouth.

"So she his?" Nalani quickly shook her head.

"It could be yours."

I scoffed sarcastically and grabbed my keys and kissed Kyanna's cheek in front of Kendrick I didn't care.

"Don't fucking call me unless it got something to do with Kyanna. I don't wanna see you until the day I take a paternity test."

"Javon please." She said sitting up and I turned around looking at her coldly.

"I'm done with you man." I turned to Kendrick and shook my head.

"She all yours." I said referring to Nalani and he shook his head.

"Nah bruh I don't want her either."

"Take care of her man...if she is yours. No hard feelings." He nodded.

"Respect."
***

"He did what?" Kenya yelled as I sat in the car with her outside of my house.

"Yup." I said shaking my head rethinking it all.

"And your with Amod now?" She asked looking confused and I quickly shook my head.

"No but...I don't know. He's just the type of person I need around right now."

"Well we gonna go handle this shit with my cousin cause he don't lost his rabbit ass mind." She started and I shook my head.