Fixing What Fell Apart

The News

"I guess love just wasn't enough for us to survive
I swear, I swear, I swear I tried
You took the life right out of me
I'm so unlucky I can't breath
You took the life right out of me, me, me, me
I'm longing for your heartbeat
Heartbeat, heartbeat." Beyoncé~ Heartbeat

__________________
Journey

It's been 2 weeks since my baby shower and I just want to die. Honestly Erica was still considered one of my bestfriends so to see her like this hurts me. On top of that me and the man I'd die for aren't even together anymore.

I got out of bed stretching before walking into Jaylen's room. He looked so peaceful sleeping. He wore a smile and I couldn't help but think of how much he resembles Javon. The smirk his sleeping face wore the way he walked and the way he talked reminded me of Javon.

"Baby wake up so you can go with Nicki."

Nicki had gotten a house down here last week because she didn't wanna be under my nana and grandpa and she wanted to be by me.

Jaylen stirred in his sleep before sitting up in bed.

"Good morning mommy." I covered my nose joking.

"Yuck morning breath." He giggled and hopped out the bed.

"Your clothes are on your chair in your room get dressed and brush your teeth she'll be here in a little bit." He nodded and ran off to somewhere in the house.

I went into my closet to find something to wear. Today was a day of one of my appointments so Javon was coming to pick me up. It was gonna be weird because I haven't seen him in 2 weeks.

After brushing my teeth and taking a quick shower I decided to wear a white tank top with floral tights and white huraches. I put on a jacket from pink that shows my baby bump that had grown since I was now 6 months . I threw my hair in a high lose ponytail before walking out my room.

"I'm done mommy." Jaylen said coming down the stairs as a knock came on the door.

I opened it and seen Nicki.

"Hey sis" she said kissing my cheek.

"Jaylen Waylen." She said in a baby voice crouching down.

"Nicki Wicki." He said back as he hugged her. I laughed because the were so silly.

"Where you taking my baby?" I asked playfully as I ran my nails through his hair.

"Um Anthony's gonna come with me to take him to Chuck e cheese." She said blushing.

"Anthony?!"

"Yes Anthony girl I'll tell you all about it later but right now we gotta go." I bent down to Jayden.

"Bye mommy." He said kissing my lips.

"Bye bye baby." I got up and walked them to the door.

When they were gone I just waited on the couch until Javon came.

I was drifting off to sleep when I heard a knock at the door. I got up and slightly stretched before I got up grabbing my bag and my phone. I walked to the door and opened it to see Javon. He wore a plain white shirt some black jeans a gold rope chain and white air forces. I sighed and he moved back a bit so I could close the door and lock it. We walked to his car and as always he opened the door for me and I got in and he jogged to his side to do the same. As we approached a red light I looked over at him and just stared. Not only because he was sexy as hell but because this was a man id do anything for yet we had a baby on the way but wasn't even together. I guess he felt me looking so he turned my was and smiled sadly.

"Wassup?" I just shook my head and turned back around.

We got to the doctors office in no time. Today we should be receiving the gender and it was bittersweet.

We walked into the office and the lady at the desk said my doctor was already ready for me. I smiled and nodded and after thanking her we walked to the room.

"Hello Ms.Simmons, Mr.Williams." She smiled politely at us. We both said hey and I took a seat on the table.

"Okay so how have you been feeling Journey?"

"Um good for the most part a lot has been going on but physically I'm fine." I said glaring at Javon who looked at me with guilt.

"Aw see when it comes to emotional and mental pain it can hurt the baby just as much as physical pain can so you just have to relax because stress can affect the baby." I nodded and took a deep breath.

"But back to better things, are you ready to see the gender?" I smiled and nodded.

"What do you want Mr.Williams." She asked as she got everything prepared for the ultrasound.

"A boy, I need another mini me running around."

"No we need a girl this time it's too many mini yous running around." He laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Alright I'm gonna put this gel on your stomach it's gonna be cold." I nodded as she put it on my stomach. She moved it around so that she can see the baby.

I was anticipating its vibrant heartbeat that would usually fill up the room.

"That's off." She mumbled frowning.

"W-what's happening."

"Yea wassup doc?"

"I don't know I see the baby but I can't pick up a heart beat."

My eyes got wide because I knew this wasn't good. One of my biggest fears were about to come true. She excused herself and walked out.

"Oh my gosh." I said putting my hand over my face.

"Shh Journey it's good you're gonna be good." I looked at him and nodded. He fixed his mouth to say something but was interrupted when the doctor walked in.

"Ms.Simmons and Mr.Williams I apologize but unfortunately your baby is dead.... we don't have a cause but it may have been the stress, I'm sorry. I'll give you a moment."

"Wait what was it." She smiled sadly.

"It was a boy." She said before walking out.

"My baby." I sobbed loudly into my hands. Javon rushed to my side.

"Baby I'm so sorry I'm so sorry." He cried into my hair still holding me.

"Javon I can't keep going through this shit! I'm so fucking tired of all the bullshit I'm going through man! I lost my baby!" I cried into his chest balling up his shirt.

"Shh shh I know baby but I'm here for you and you got a strong support system we gonna get through this ." He rubbed my hair.

After a while we had pulled apart and he had taken a seat. I stared down at my stomach that was still indeed pregnant. I shivered at the fact that I had a dead baby inside of me. I rubbed my stomach and sighed feeling another tear escape.

The doctor walked back in with a bottle.

"Hello Journey... These are the pills to induce labor? Your gonna take these and in about a day or two you should feel them kick in and you'll be ready for labor." I nodded and took the pills as she signed for them. After that it was time to leave.

"I'm sorry bae." He said looking at me and biting his lip. I didn't even bother about the bae part.

"I'm gonna give birth to a stillborn baby." I said basically to myself.

"And I'm gonna be with you holding your hand even though we ain't together I'm still here for you and Ima be there with you." I nodded.

"I love you." He said with hopeful eyes.

"I love you too."