Fixing What Fell Apart

Taken Away

"I knew that we'd become one right away
Oh, right away
At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes
So shine bright tonight, you and I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky." Rihanna~Diamonds
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Journey

I woke up and my pain was excruciating. I already knew what was happening. I had asked Javon to stay the night and take Jaylen to his cousins since we already knew it was gonna happen today if not yesterday. We spent all night just crying. I had called my mom my grandma my sister and the rest of my family and they wanted to come over but me and Javon needed time to ourselves to take it all in.

"JAVON!" I yelled. He came rushing upstairs with his eyes wide.

"It's happening." I cried

"Aw shit." He said he ran downstairs and came back up with a shirt and his shoes.

He picked me up and I hissed.

"I know it hurts baby but I gotchu hopefully it's over soon." He kissed my forehead and placed me in the car. He got in and began speeding to the hospital. He held my hand kissing it the whole way there as I tried to control my breathing.

We got to the hospital and I was only 3 centimeters dilated yet I had to be 7.

"Baby I called everybody and their coming Ima go home and pack you a bag." I nodded and he kissed my forehead and left. Moments after Kenya barged in...with Cole. I just didn't ask because it wasn't the time.

"Aw baby I'm here for you." She pouted kissing my cheek.

"Hey sis how you feeling." Cole said giving me a hug.

"Like shit... I'm carrying a dead child as we speak." I cried all over again into my hands.

"Jo don't cry mama you have some blessings on the way baby everything happens for a reason." I just nodded because a contraction was coming.

Soon after Javon came back and placed my bag on the side of my bed. I screamed out in pain as a doctor rushed in. After he checked on things he told me that I was ready. Everyone exited but Javon then a few more doctors came in.

"Ok Journey I'm gonna need you to push." I pushed as hard as I could while I was crying.

Not because the pain but because I was losing my child. Well I already lost it but this just made it official. Before this I still would rub my stomach because I felt that I had a healthy baby inside of me. The emotional pain was worst than the physical.

"Push again it's almost here." I pushed as I hard as I could. I looked at Javon to see he was crying as well but still looking down there. I guess he could see it.

"It's out" the doctor yelled pulling it out from under the little sheet. I couldn't help but cry. He was so handsome and even though he obviously wasn't fully developed he looked a lot like Jaylen. They cleaned him up and wrapped him up handing him to me with Javon looking over my shoulder. I put on a weak smile as I observed all his features. I grabbed his small limp hand in hopes that he would squeeze it and that all of this was surreal but it wasn't. They had to take him after Javon held him and I didn't even have the strength to cry anymore. They gave us the registration so we could at least name him and receive his footprints. They also gave us the things we needed just incase we wanted a funeral and to decide if we wanted him to be cremated or buried.

We decided on not having a funeral but for him to be cremated so we can have a piece of him. We named him Jayden Malik Williams.

My family and friends came and condoled Javon and I for a few hours.

"I'm sorry your going through this man." Demarco said as he sat on the edge of my bed.

It was me Nicki Jaylen my mom Jiovoni Anthony Alana Cole and ken and Marcus and Ronnie piled into my room. Jaylen was in my bed snuggled into my side. Javon and Jerry who had been with Jiovoni was in Erica's room since she was in the same hospital as me. She still hasn't left and I had to stay the night and Javon insisted he stayed but I wanted to be alone. After he left I just watched tv and cried. I heard a knock at the door causing me to jump.

"Come in!" I yelled. In came a handsome face making me smile.

"Hey Amod." I said a little above a whisper. My voice hoarse from crying.

"Hey ma. How you feeling?"

"I can't feel anything anymore." I stated honestly.

"Where's Javon?"

"I told him to go home. He doesn't need to be here any more than he has to."

"Y'all not together?" I shook my head. He nodded slowly.

I patted my bed and scooted over. He sat by me and put his arm around me.

"I know our past is crazy but I'm here for you Jo on me you can call me for anything and I'm there." I nodded.

"Thank you...I'm sorry you gotta see me like this."

"I'd rather see you like this than not at all. I see your hurting so Ima be here."

"It's hard I just need a friend right now." I whispered on the verge of tears.

"And I'll be that for you. Don't be scared to cry infront of me ive seen you cry before do what you gotta do." And as soon as he said that I cried with everything in me.

I fell asleep in his arms and dreamt of the most precious things. My princes. Jayden and Jaylen.