Lovestruck (EDITING)

41: Mistakes

Monday morning is slow and painful. My vision loses its focus as I stare at the wall of inspirational posters in front of me in Spanish class. I've been staring at a plain black and white one for the past 15 minutes that reads, 'DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE MISTEAKS,' and cringing at the awful spelling mistake, just as I have at all of my own screw-ups. The thing is, I need to be more afraid of making mistakes. Perhaps then I would avoid making so many. I made a mistake with Landon the other night. Telling him how I feel. Thinking I was ready to share something so intimate with him when all he's done so far is let me down and challenge my trust. I always make the same mistake. I always seem to let my stupid feelings take over me. I scoff at the stupid poster in front of me. I mean, anyone could write anything on a piece of black card in some big bold letters and people just eat it up. Not me, though.

"Is something wrong, Miss Miller?" Senor Cruz, my Spanish teacher, calls attention to me and it hits me that my scoff may have been louder than intended.

Yes. In fact, lots of things are wrong, Senor Cruz. Aside from the fact that I've humiliated myself by throwing myself at a boy that doesn't even want me back and aside from the fact that my best friends don't get along with each other and aside from the fact that even in the midst of senior year I feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy myself - aside from all of that... It's also a Monday morning.

"No, nothings wrong. Sorry," I force my most innocent smile and bury my head in my hands as soon as he looks away.

The rest of class drags on slowly and I can't seem to get Landon out of my head. It seems as though every time I go to a party, I always seem to end up regretting something. Maybe I should just take the hint already and go back to staying in all weekend. Landon clearly doesn't like me as much as I like him. He pretty much disappeared as soon as we left Dani's room, as if he was just waiting to escape. All that's going to happen here is that I'm going to get hurt. Badly. There's nothing I can do but stay away from him. Can I even do that?

The bell finally rings and I'm the first one out the door, my combat boots loud against the rubber flooring of the hallway as I stride towards my locker. I swing open the door and put my books away, keeping my head down as I head to the cafeteria, hoping to avoid possible interaction with anyone. I'm unsuccessful, though.

"Hey Skye," I glance up to see Landon's friend, Tyler in front of me in the lunch line.

"Oh, hey Tyler," I force a small smile.

"You alright?" Tyler sounds genuinely concerned and I glance up to see him being handed a lunch tray with a crazy amount of food on it.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I giggle, my eyebrows raising at the sight of his lunch.

"My mom volunteers here," Tyler explains himself and we both end up laughing as I'm handed my own lunch tray.

"I guess you never get the small pizza slices, then," I tease, frowning down at my single slice of cheese pizza.

"Here," Tyler laughs, switching our plates around before I can stop him.

"Really?" I look up at him in adoration and we both laugh as we begin to walk through the cafeteria.