In the Moon's Light

Chapter 6: Drowning in Emotions

Kat's POV:

He looks thrilled with my answer, but I can't help and think that this is bad idea. Half of me wants to run away from here as fast as I can, leaving him and the wonderful scent of his blood behind me. While the other half,  wants to stay with him. Even my wolf is conflicted on the situation, with her wanting to taste him one minute and stay with him the next. Stupid emotions.....human emotions on top of that.

"Kat, why were those guys attacking you last night?"

Figures he would go for the most direct question. He just seems so trusting and nice, and his blood smells better than I could have ever imagined. I know, it's a heavenly smell.  No kidding, I can't think clearly with that smell.

I focus on breathing through my mouth only and debate about what I should tell him. He can't know any of my actual past or secrets, but I guess I could tell him a little bit. If I can focus long enough that is. The pain in my leg doesn't help the situation. I'll try to help with the leg, but we need blood to finish healing it. I'm weaker than I once was. I know, I'm sorry that I've let us get this weak. 

I hear her whine back in response as a way to say it's ok, before turning my attention to this beautiful creature in front of me. Okay.....focus on breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose. We can get through this without losing our heads. Here we go.

"Simple really. They wanted a little action, homeless action I guess. Then they came under the impression that I was a mutant and decided that they wanted a mutant-beat down instead. What were you doing in the ally tonight?"

I notice a flash of anger appear in his eyes as I tell him what happened, and I see his hands curl into fists. Then he looks up at me and it's like it was never there, with a smile on his face and in his eyes before he answer me. What is with this guy....is he like bipolar or something??

"Well you see John and I, you might meet him later, were club cruising I guess you could say. John wanted to go, but not alone so I went as designated driver you could say. We were just leaving one club and getting ready to drive home when we heard you scream. We knew it wasn't a good scream so we started running your way. John got there first and I was behind him yelling, we got to you just as you passed out. Then I brought you home in the car, while John took care of those animals."

Ok, so either my head did get hit really hard and he drove me here or he is lying about having wings. Maybe I'm just crazy because those wings were huge, how would he hide them. If I am crazy at least it isn't too big of a deal, worse things have happened. No kidding.

"Why did y'all help? No else would have. No else ever has."

I see a shocked look pass on his face and then sadness follow right behind it. Why does he seem to care so much? We've never even met until now. I'm attempting to remain cold as stone towards him, but he still seems to want to get to know me.......even take care of me. Does he actually care?

"It was the right thing to do....it was the only thing to do. What do you mean no else has ever helped you before? Have you........have you been beaten like this on the streets before?"

Well, if I can't dissuade him from caring using my cold and unfeeling body language towards him I guess I need to try to scare him away with the idea of emotional and even physical scars and added baggage. Here goes nothing.

"Yes, I have. A few times over the last few years, I was stabbed once but the pain of this time was worse than any of the other past beatings I've taken. It doesn't really matter, it's just what happens when you live on the streets."

Again he looks sad and almost like he wants to comfort me....geez what do I have to say to scare this guy off. I could always say the truth and see how he takes that. I focus on keeping my eyes cold and hard towards him. Practically glaring at him.

Stop glaring at him, he is special. We want him, you'll scare him away. No, we don't want him. You only want to drink him, now stop fooling around and act your age Crescent. He does smell delicious, but I won't harm him. We want him and he wants us!  NO! We don't want him, now stop acting like a pup!

I hear my inner wolf whine in my head before becoming silent. Geez...even she is beginning to act like a human. I can tell that Michael is choosing his next words carefully. Oh the irony, he doesn't want to scare me away but I want to scare him away. Wonder who will win this battle.

"Kat, I am so sorry that you have been treated that way before. No one should ever be treated like that."

"Sometimes they do. Sometimes people have a past full of crimes and evils that they've done to others that warrant such treatment in return."

"No, I think you are wrong there. No one is past forgiveness, no matter what they may have done in the past."

Oh if only he knew. He stares at me with those sapphire eyes of his and I can only think of what he would say about my past. He would take back what he said about forgiveness that's for sure. Memories of all the past Luna hunts with the pack, the tribal wars, Nate's death, and all the blood that was shed because of my actions come rushing back to remind me and my wolf that he is wrong.

"How long have you lived on the streets?"

"A few years I guess, ever since......"

I pissed off the pack, broke the ancient traditions not to mention the new laws that I helped create, and ran away. I smirk a little about this, thinking that this would shock him away surely, if only I could tell him.

"Ever since what Kat?"

I snap back to attention, having been lost in my own memories for a moment. I have to get this guy to lose interest in me, or at least back off. He's getting to close to my pain and my heart.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter, it's in the past now anyway."

"Sorry, I don't mean to push or pry into your privacy or anything. I just....I don't know. I have this odd feeling about you, and I just want to know more. I can also look into your eyes and see your soul. Not literally of course, but your eyes have so much emotion in them, even when they are cold and unfeeling looking. They are full of sadness and pain. Anger is there too I'm sure. Wherever there is pain, anger may be found. Have you ever been happy?"

Happy.......... ha that emotion was taken from me a long time ago. An emotion that is taken for granted by so many and abused by them too. I can remember happiness, before my parents and Nate were killed. Before my pack fell into dark times, led there by myself and a few others suffering from grief-stricken anger. Happy, joyful, peaceful, hopeful, I used to be all of these and more. But now they are just memories, like dry ashes in my mouth. My happiness was replaced by anger, my joy replaced by sorrow, my peace replaced by torment, and my hope replaced by fear.

But Michael makes us want to be all those things again....please can't we stay with him and be happy. What if he is our li--NO! Crescent, he is not ours. He is not even a wolf. Now either be quiet or I will cut you off I swear. She whines at me one more time. A defeated hurt sound but she remains silent. Thank the moon.

"Are you ok Kat?"

I realized that I stayed quiet for too long but I'm getting angry with his questions. He's making me relive moments I've spent years trying to forget, and to feel emotions that I've managed to silence for years as well.

"No I'm not. You don't know a damn thing about my past. Want to know what I see when I look into your eyes? Let me guess, you were a rich little kid who got whatever you wanted as long as you stayed out of trouble. You've probably never lost anyone that you truly cared about or that you remember. So how dare you try to figure out my life when you have nothing you could even try to compare it to. You know nothing, you don't know a damn thing about grief, loss, or pain."

I can feel myself shaking and I know that I need to calm down. As much as I want to change to escape all these damn emotions, I don't want to end up changing and killing him out of anger. I don't want that, but as angry as I am right now it would be a possibility for sure.

I'm feeling suffocated by emotions that I should have been strong enough to block. When we did become so human, so weak?? I just want to leave this forsaken place.  Oh Luna, why are you doing this to me?!