In the Moon's Light

Chapter 38: What Should I do?

Michaels' POV:

I haven't been done there since Saturday night. I can't bring myself to go back down there. She doesn't want me there anyway. For the past two days all I've been able to bring myself to do is stare at the Godforsaken ceiling or walls in my room. I think I've slept but I can't be sure anymore. All I can do is think of her, the look on her face when she........when she rejected me.  I can still feel her pain, but that's all I feel.......her pain.

I guess she's doing all right for now. Sarah has gone out for more blood a few times, and has come up here to change the bandages on my leg once. Professor hasn't tried to get me to come out of my room these past two days, for which I am extremely grateful. I don't have anything to say right now anyway. I don't feel anything from myself, only her pain and my own numbness. Her pain shoots through me as if I was the one that had been beaten, whipped, and stabbed. I feel as if my body is on fire at times, and the guilt of knowing that it's my fault threatens to consume me every second of the day.  

The echo of her pain is beginning to weaken, but I know the pain itself isn't going away at least not for her. The connection or I guess link between us is just weakening. I know because some of the students heard her howling last night. I heard her too, apparently her bandages had to be changed, and she shifted mid-way out of pain. It's my fault. I can't blame her for rejecting me, I'd hate me too if I had been caused this much pain. I just hope that she's alright. It's all I can do at this point, hope.

I hear a knock at the door. It isn't the Professor, thank God, but I know that knock. It's Sarah. Either this is good news, or I'm about to have my heart broken with no chance at repairing it. I stand up from the side of the bed and limp slowly towards the door to see which news it is. I open it and I can only imagine what I look like to Sarah. I haven't exactly been taking care of myself these past few days, I just don't care enough to right now. I listen to my monotone voice, and would be shocked if I was on the receiving end of it.

"Yes Sarah, what is it?"

"Michael, can I talk to you for a second."

I just nod at her as she walks in and sits down on the futon. I shut the door and follow her lead and limp across to the chair across from the futon as I stare at her. I prepare myself for the worst, but trying to do that is harder than it sounds.

"Michael..........you have to go see her."

"No, she..........she doesn't want me there."

"Yes, she does Michael. I have to tell you something. She lied."

"What are you talking about Sarah?"

"The other day, when she rejected you, she lied."

I feel myself flinch as I remember that day. When she said that and threw me against the wall I felt my heart shatter. I felt as if the world ended and time stopped, time and life no longer existed for me. It felt real enough that's for sure, the look on her face makes me believe that it was real. But what if it wasn't....... I mean maybe just maybe it wasn't real but it sure felt real.

"How do you know that?"

"She lied to you to make sure you lived. She.........she said she knew she probably wouldn't make it and she didn't want you to follow her in death. She rejected you to try and prepare you for life without her."

"H-how does she know she won't live?"

"Michael.......I think....... no, I know she's given up. She's refusing to fight anymore, the light has gone out of her eyes. She's already written a note for me to give to after she's gone. She's not even trying anymore. You need to go talk to her, you have to go talk to her, you're her last hope whether she wants you there or not. She won't talk to me anymore, she barely responds. She won't offer any other ways for me to save her. Michael, she needs you as much as you need her right now."