In the Moon's Light

Chapter 14: I'm Only Ashamed of Everything

Kat's POV:

I show the professor my entire life, beginning in the beginning with my childhood. I show him the simple world I grew up in. I show him me and Crescent meeting for the first time, when I was about 3. Younger than most lou garous and unusual with silver fur, but both of us still very young and shy towards one another until we realized how much stronger we were together. Not to mention how much we liked to argue with one another.

I show him how much easier it has always been for me to change and shift compared to other lou garous. I was a natural born lou garou in my ability to change so easily. I was one of the best runners, trackers, leaders, and warriors that the tribe had, with Nate right behind me in every skill and even ahead of me in a few. I show him my 16th birthday, the day I stopped aging. I show him my brother's 16th, and even a glimpse of him meeting his link a few years later.

The next few decades go by, and they're full of the happy memories and images. Then I show him the night my father was shot by robbers in our house. I show him my mother dying a few hours after he had. I show him how I served as a warrior for the tribe during the wars in the early 1900s, and how I had to kill many enemy lou gaorus, but I also showed how easy it was for me to kill them. I show him my shame and guilt.  I show him the years of nightmares that followed all of these events, with Nate comforting me every time I woke up screaming or crying out into the night.

I show the lessening of my guilt as the years progress. Nate and his link Milly getting married and planning a family in another few decades. I show him the 70s and the 80s where the lou garous of my generation thrived and lived peaceful lives. The human hippy time of love and peace ran through my people as well. I showed him how my nightmares got less and less and finally stopped after a few decades, with one returning only on rare occasions. Then I show him the 90s.

I show him what the discovery of mutants did to my people. I show him Nate being shot, while the pack members killed the shooter behind us. I showed him Nate dying in my arms, with Milly his link  dying a few hours after him out of grief and pain of losing him. I showed him the other three pack members we lost because they were assumed mutants by the mutant haters or hunters, whatever they preferred to be called.

I showed him my grief, my pain, my sorrow, but especially my anger and hatred. I showed him how my anger built and grew toward the mutants in the world. I showed him the dark days that followed the birth and growth of my anger. My leading of the campaign, with a few other distraught lou garous, to change the hunting laws to mutants and humans to quench our thirst for revenge.

I showed him the unnatural blackness that my eyes had taken, the extreme bloodlust that I held for every mutant and human. I showed him my lack of concern for our victims, and even my fellow lou garous. I showed him the images of the humans and mutants that were killed at each Luna Moon. There were many, with four Luna Moons a year and at least two victims at each hunt, there were many deaths by our hands.  

I show him how my wolf and I gave in completely to our grief, letting our anger control us and turn us into something we weren't. I show him, myself drinking the blood of each fallen victim from the Luna Hunts. I showed him my new abilities that were gained with the drinking the mutants' blood. I don't want him to see the inner demon that my own hate and ager created, but it flashes in front of us for just a second but I know he saw it. I feel guilt starting to consume me again, but I have to finish showing him everything.

I begin to show him how my people started to change over time. My people, who were once peaceful and loving, were becoming fearful, angry, power-thirsty, and some were even becoming  the demons that we once thought we all were. Hate, fear, guilt, and anger governed the actions of many pack members for many years to come.