We Write for Fear of Silence

the falsity of pleasurable pain

without fully comprehending what I was doing,
I was startled by the trickling blood-
Sacred and unsure.

Caution was crucial.
No room for mistakes.

Obsession was written in the same color as
the red marking pen

Just one more
To take me away

Self medication
With a different kind of drug

I found Girls like flies
Beating their paper wings
Against computer screens

I found myself crying in my room countless nights,
Looking at my mangled flesh

I do not love my scars.
they are ugly-
These physical manifestations of my pain.

I had to find a way to live with myself,
When all I wanted to do was die.