You (want to crawl inside my head?) ask how I do it
How do I refuse the sustenance my mouth so desperately screams for (what's my secret?)
How can I die (I am) of thirst with water held to my chapped lips, never taking a sip? (ripping out my thinning hair to keep from taking the glass)
Evaporation, slow disappearance of the soul (I am losing myself)
Hollowed out bones bearing weights too heavy
For their brittle composition, marrow decaying underneath facades of strength (I used to be a dancer, now all of me that spins is my head)
Do (I am not sick) not delude yourself
It is only with great agony that translucence is achieved
Through masking
Violent veins underneath bloodshot eyes (I don't know who I see when I look in the mirror)
And convincing myself that this
Thing in my head is copacetic (it's killing me)
This macabre, conniving thing (but I won't die)
Would never do me harm (right?)
Because it manufactures
The most enchanting dolls
PrettySkinnyLovely (dying) dolls
Made (with) of (cracking paper skin stretched too tight) porcelain
With bitten down fingernails and
Knuckles raw with teeth marks (is beautiful)I understand (I have to submit)
acquiescence to the shrieking in my malnourished brain (I'm not in denial)
Is the only way to dull the persistent ache of emptiness
Restless eyes
And hopeless nights torment me
As sleep evades my desperate grasp (just having some trouble sleeping)
You say you need to lose ten pounds (to shrink myself is to shrink my pain)
you ask how I do it (I can't do this anymore)
Your voice trembling with curiosity, like you're waiting to taste the forbidden fruit (I don't remember what joy tastes like)
You are oblivious to how
Depravity ravages the weary
And when I shake my head it feels like I'm trying to revive my own corpse
As the syllables die at the back of my throat (I am dying)
Cobwebs smother me from the inside
Your face is a mixture of
Horrified shock
And
Admiration (I am strong)
Because what willpower I must possess
To be so insistent on my diet
You wish to dance with the devil too
And I am (dying)
Glaring pointedly away from you
So you can't see the angry flames ignite in my eyes
You do not want this
I am (strong) so lost
I can't find my way out of the snow
Do not let yourself become entrenched alongside me
In this labyrinth of denial (is not a crime)
Of salvation, of love, of life
It isn't worth it (it is everything I have)
(But) It never was
and yet (does it matter) I still cling to the cold (if)
stop lying to yourself (my heart)
It is not beautiful when the icicles pierce your
Starving heart (stops)
YOU ARE READING
We Write for Fear of Silence
Poetry{My soul put into words. Writing is how I put myself back together again. Writing is how I love.} **all poems are mine** HIGHEST RANKING: #30 IN POETRY & #1 IN TEEN POETRY