I Never Told You

15

I slowly bring my fist to the door of the Bellas house. After a few moment, the door swings open. Emily walks into view. Her smile slowly starts to fade when she sees its me. "Expecting someone else?" I ask her trying not to start crying again considering I cried in the car on the way over here and the only person I cry in front of is Chloe.

"No." Emily slowly drags it out. "Just not expecting to see you." She sighs leaning against the doorway. "What's up?" She asks me. She crosses her arms and shifts uncomfortably. She knows something is up but is too nice to just ask me what is wrong.

"I thought this would be a good time to teach you how to make the mash ups and stuff." I lie as my voice cracks. I hold up my bag, trying to smile. She runs a hand through her hair as she sighs. I refuse to make eye contact with her in fear I will start crying on the doorstep. She steps to the side and opens the door all the way letting me into the house I once loved to be in. Now it is plagued with the memory of Chloe and I. I drop my stuff on the floor and fall to the couch trying not to think about all the times we cuddled on this couch. Emily sits down next to me right as I move to the floor. I can't sit on the couch because I can't think about Chloe right now.

I can't think about the times we spent on that couch watching all of the stupid romance movies Chloe liked so much. And I hated the movies and watching them because I couldn't believe in the happy endings but Chloe made me believe that maybe a happy ending was possible. But now I just think that I was right all along. Happy endings don't happen and Chloe and I are no exception to that rule.

"Beca what's going on?" She finally asks me after a good minute of uncomfortable silence. "I know you aren't here to teach me because your eyes are all puffy and red, your voice cracks every time you talk for a long time, and you look miserable. So start talking." I finally look her in the eyes. I push back all the tears and all the pain.

"Chloe has been pulling away lately. She hasn't been herself and I thought she was maybe cheating on me but I just don't think she is in love with me anymore. I think I made her wait too long for me. She is finally realizing I am not worth all the waiting she did. I just can't go back there. I can't face her." I sigh flopping down on my stomach. I play with the rug underneath me. Emily doesn't say anything as I play with the rug between my fingers. "Can I crash here for a while?" I ask breaking the silence between us. "Just until things cool down." I add looking up at Emily. She gives me a small smile before nodding her head yes.

"Just pick a room." She tells me smiling. I grab my bag and head right up to Chloe's room. It still smells like her perfume. This can't be healthy for me but this will be the first night that I have not fallen asleep next to her. I can hear Emily on the phone, talking to someone. The only bad thing about the house besides it being haunted and all; it seriously echoes. I curl up in the sheets trying not to think of all the times Chloe and I cuddled in the bed.

"Yea she is fine. She showed up a little while ago." I hear Emily tell Chloe, most likely. "I believe she is curled up in your old room. No she hasn't cried but it was clear she cried in the car." She pauses letting Chloe talk. "Her eyes were all puffy and red." Another short pause. "She just said she can't face you right now." That most likely pissed Chloe off. "Chloe." Emily sighs getting frustrated. "The whole reason Beca watched all those movies with you was because you made her believe in the happy endings and now she doesn't believe that anymore. She just needs some time. It's Beca we are talking about. Just give her some time and space. Trust me she will come around." The steps creak as Emily walks down into the kitchen. I give up on trying to hear the rest of the conversation.

I curl up in bed with the tears threatening to make a reappearance. My heart hurts for how much I miss her right now. How am I supposed to last longer than five minutes without Chloe? She is the one who keeps me sane and all put together and shit. Without her, I would honestly forget to eat and probably breathe. I don't know how to make it without her. She is my family.

I hate that I am currently having a pity party in my, I guess ex's, bed. When did I become this pathetic. Seriously. I a, disgusting myself.

I have spent twenty something years without Chloe Beale, I can live without her. I have been fine on my own for the longest time and just because Chloe decided to stop loving me and shit, doesn't mean I will stop living. Maybe this is what I need. Maybe Chloe and I aren't soul mates and we were just too in love to see it. Maybe we were only meant to cross paths once and then never again. Maybe we are just perpendicular lines. Once we cross, it never happens again.

It's not like the months we spend together weren't the best of my life; they were. She showed me how to be happy and all that sappy shit. But maybe she was only supposed to show me all of that in order for me to be on my own and be okay with it.

I mean it's not like the whole Chloe thing is going to last very long right?

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I am so sorry for taking a good month to upload a new chapter. Junior year has kinda been kicking my ass but yea. Sorry. Enjoy. Don't hate me.

-tris