I Never Told You

I Always Knew Your Favorite Dessert

I looked down at the list of things I had to do tonight. Thank you Chloe for making me a list. I love the girl but seriously a list and reminders on my phone. I switch the list from my good hand to my hand that is now in a cast because apparently when your hand goes through a wall it will break. Who knew?

Alright Beca focus. Find someone to fix the bedroom wall. How the hell am I supposed to find someone who will fix our bedroom wall? God why did she have to make this list? I just wanted to sit in my underwear and make some mixes. That's all I wanted to do today. But no. I'm out in public doing all this crap to make my girlfriend happy. Sorry correction... Fiancée. Man that feels good. Soon to be wife.

"Beca!" Someone calls out breaking my thoughts up. I look up to see Jesse walking towards me. "Though that was you. How have you been?" He asks glancing down at my hand and back up at my face. Is this guy serious right now? "Okay cutting the small talk. I know you hate it. I want to apologize. I know what I did was wrong. Like completely 100% wrong. I was just mad and drunk. No I'm not trying to make excuses for my actions. No excuse can be made for what I did. I'm just really sorry." He rambles on and on about how sorry he is.

"Do you know how to fix a hole in a wall?" I ask him completely ignoring his entire apology. He nods his head yes with a confused look on his face. "Good lets go." I say heading back towards mine and Chloe's apartment. He follows behind me at a distance. I know he probably is nervous and I am too. I mean the guy hit me and here I am inviting him into my apartment to fix a hole in the wall. I hand Jesse my phone and the list before getting my keys out. I unlock the door and invite him in.

"Nice place." He says looking around. Pictures of Chloe and I fill up the place. All thanks to Chloe. The girl went a little crazy on the picture hanging but I wasn't about to stop her. She was in a mood that day and when she is in that mood, no one stands in her way or they seriously regret it.

I don't say anything but instead lead him into mine and Chloe's room. He doesn't look around in this room. It's clean and nothing is scattered on the floor except maybe parts of the wall. All thanks to me. I cleaned before starting this list. Look at me go. All of the supplies are already sitting on the floor right under the hole so Jesse gets to work. I sit down at the desk and work on some mixes I didn't get to finish. I let the sound play through the speakers so there isn't an awkward silence.

"I started seeing someone else." Jesse says over the music. I turn the volume down a bit and look at him. "I met her in my therapy group. Her name is Cassie. She lead the group session one night. I took her out for coffee. It was nice." He tells me still with his focus on the wall.

"Well that's good. I'm glad you found someone. You deserve to be happy, Jesse." He finally looks back at me with a smile on his face. The moment doesn't last long. He turns back to the wall.

"I take about you a lot and our relationship when I took her out for coffee. Not the best way to start a new relationship but she didn't mind listening. Said she was glad I was opening up about my struggles." I nod my head even though he can't see since his back is turned to me. I don't say anything which is his reason to keep talking. "She made me realize a lot that day. I realized I wasn't the best boyfriend in the world. I didn't know a lot about you and that's my fault. Every time you said you didn't want to talk about yourself I brushed it off and talked about me. I should have pushed you to open up with me like you did with Chloe. Clearly she is the right one for you and I'm glad you finally see that." He sets down whatever was in his hand and looks at me before picking something else up.

I sit there for a minute thinking about what he just said. "What do you you're glad I finally see that?" I ask him confused. He lets out a laugh. Not the laugh I'm used to but a big laugh that genuinely sounds happy.

"Beca I knew from the moment I started dating you that I wasn't going to end up with you. It was always Chloe whether you realized it or not. Chloe was always the one for you. It was never me. I was just waiting for you to figure that out. I guess part of me hoped you wouldn't but I knew you could never love me the way you loved Chloe. The dynamic between you two was undeniable. You opened up to her more than anyone. She was the one making you blush not me. It was always Chloe." I play with the hem of my shirt now feeling kind of uncomfortable. Apparently everyone knew I was in love with Chloe except me and Chloe.

"Why didn't you say anything? Or break up with me or something? That doesn't make sense to hold on to a relationship when you knew I was going to end up with someone else." I turn the chair so I am facing him. He sets down whatever he was using and focuses his attention on me.

"You loving Chloe was something you needed to figure out on your own. If I would have told you, you would have ran from it and avoided her at all costs. I couldn't do that to you or Chloe so I just made it a little easier for you to pick me or Chloe." He tells me smiling. "I always knew your favorite dessert was chocolate and vanilla mixed with rainbow sprinkles. I knew a lot about you. The basic things at least but I was trying to push you towards Chloe by making you think I didn't remember those things." He puts the finishing touches on the wall. He even paints it the right color. He cleans everything up and is on his way. I shut the door behind him and take a deep breath. That was a lot of information for one day and all because he fixed a wall.

I walk over to the counter where the guest list is sitting. My side is extremely short while Chloe knows a lot more people and a lot more people like her. I pick up the pen and write down Jessie and Cassie. Chloe can question it but we wouldn't be together if is wasn't for him being a shitty boyfriend on purpose.

"Hey babe." Chloe says walking into the apartment. She wraps her arms around my waist and places her head on my shoulder. I know she sees the names I added but she doesn't say anything about it. She kisses my cheek as a way of saying that the names I added are fine. "How was your day?"