I Never Told You

17

*Beca's POV**

Emily walks back in carrying a duffle bag. She sets it in the ground and falls on the couch next to me. I don't say anything. I don't move. I stare at her. She seems to not notice the fact I am staring at her or she is ignoring me. Stacie comes walking in from the kitchen and sits on the other side of Emily. She stares at her too. She glances over at me, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Well?" I finally ask her getting annoyed with the silence. "Is she doing okay?" I ask. I just want to know she is doing okay. I want to know that she is okay without me because I don't know if we will come back from his fight.

"She's a mess, Beca." Emily finally sighs. She looks at me, turning her back on Stacie for the moment. She must notice the look on my face. "What did you expect me to tell you? You are her world and she lost you. She is a wreck without you. Just like you are a wreck without her." Emily continues trying to be reasonable. I sigh picking up my beer from the coffee table. Emily snatches it out of my hand. "I'm cutting you off. Go upstairs and unpack some stuff." She says setting the bottle back down on the table.

I grab the duffle bag from the ground and walk up to Chloe's old room. I set the bag on the ground. Clearly, Chloe packed it. She packed my favorite sweatpants which are hers and some of my favorite outfits. I can't force myself to take the clothes out of the bag. Unpacking means never going home. Unpacking means it's really over and I can't accept that right now.

I pull out a sweatshirt Chloe packed. It's hers. She always hated when I stole it because it's her favorite one. A necklace falls out with it. I know that necklace so when I watch it fall to the floor, I know what I will face when I pick it up. I set the sweatshirt back in the bag. Slowly, I bend down and pick it up. I run my thumb over the engraving. I want to run to her and tell her I know but my brain just won't let me. I can't get hurt again. I just can't.

I walk over to the dresser and open the top drawer. I drop the necklace in before shutting the drawer.

**Three Months later**

"I agreed to room with you guys, I didn't agree to the making out." I tell Emily and Stacie as I walk out of the bathroom. They come up for air and both stare at me. That's when it hits me. "This is what you guys felt around me and Chloe, isn't it?" I ask them laughing. It took me a good two months before I could even say her name but now I can. She moved on and I moved on. We are friendly but Cynthia Rose's wedding is the first time we are spending a lot of time together.

"You and Chloe were worse." Emily flat out tells me. Stacie nods her head in agreement. "It was annoying." Emily says still straddling Stacie. She stares at Emily as Em talks to me. She occasionally plays with her hair trying to get Emily's attention away from me and back to her.

"Well I am very sorry for putting you guys through that." I jokingly apologize. I walk over to my suitcase and fish out the necklace. I gently clasp it around my neck before tucking it underneath my shirt that way no one can see it. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be with Chloe still. But she is seeing someone else. "You guys ready for dinner?" I ask them brushing off the pervious thoughts. "Or do you need a minute?" I laugh at them and their current appearances.

"We will meet you at the restuarant." Stacie tells me practically shoving me out of the room. I wave as I walk out the door. I hear them both erupt in a fit of giggling. How adorable. I walk down to the lobby and wait for the cab I called. Once it arrives, I give the cab driver the address to the restaurant we are meeting at. All the girls back together again. There will be no significant others unless they are in the group which seems to be a reoccurring theme for us. Just like old times except different. We are all a little bit older and some of us are married or are getting married. A lot has changed so I can only hope things will be the same.

I hand the cab driver my money before climbing out of the cab and walking into the restaurant. I immediately hear Fat Amy talking about Bumper and how they want a huge family. Jessica and Ashley are sitting next to each other hand in hand. Flo is talking about something that happened to her in her childhood. Lily sits quietly at the end of the table. Every so often her mouth will open but literally nothing comes out. Even Aubrey is here. She sits and listens to Fat Amy talk about Bumper and sometimes says something about how wonderful that is. Cynthia Rose sits at the head of the table with her soon to be wife who's family owns the restaurant.

"There she is!" Fat Amy exclaims noticing me standing in the doorway. Everyone stops talk and looks at me. "Well don't just stand there! Have a sit." Amy tells me gesturing to the only two seats left, besides the ones marked for Stacie and Emily, which happen to be right next to each other. "So where's Red?" Fat Amy asks more towards me than anyone else.

"Present!" Chloe exclaims from behind me, sounding as cheerful as ever. She walks- okay struts- over to the table. She looks happy. There are no bags under her eyes unlike mine, she well put together and her smile never fades. "You comin Becs?" Becs.. I feel as if I was just shot. As if every wound that had finally healed had just been ripped back open all because she called me Becs. I didn't allow anyone to call me that name after Chloe. It didn't sound right coming from anyone else's mouth. She was the only one who was allowed to call me Becs. Most people didn't listen when I told them that but after the break up, people finally got the message.

"You okay?" Emily asks walking up from behind me. Stacie runs off to say hi to the girls. I nod toward the current seating arrangement. "Ohh." Em sighs. "I can change seats with you if you want. Stacie won't be happy but I will." Emily tells me.

"I'll be fine. I'm fine. I'm over her and she is over me." I say to reassure myself more than anyone. I nod before putting on a fake smile and taking my seat. Fat Amy goes into a long story about Bumper so I zone out a bit.

"She is probably not going to stop talking about bumper the whole time we are here." Chloe whispers to me. Having her so close sends shivers down my spine. I can feel her hot breathe on my neck. It's like every memory, every moment, we have ever shared together just comes rushing back. Then comes the hand. Her hand right on my thigh. "So how have you been?" She asks with the same smile on her face as before like nothing has happened between us. "I've heard what Emily has told me about the whole album and stuff but how are you?" She clarifies what she wants to know.

"I'm doing good. Just enjoying things." I lie to her. And if Chloe knows me, she knows I'm lying. Quickly I grab Fat Amy's glass which is filled with God knows what and I down it.

"Becs." Chloe sighs with her voice getting a little quieter and her tone becoming a bit more serious. "I've know you for a good four years now, I know when you are lying. Just because we broke up doesn't me that I don't care about you." She whispers moving her hand on top of mine. Her thumb rubs across the top of my hand like she used to do.

"So how's your new girlfriend, Chloe?" Someone at the table asks her. She moves her hand away from mine and turns to face whoever said that. I can't stick around to hear the answer. I don't want to play nice. I don't want to act like nothing is wrong because everything is wrong. Chloe is fine and I'm the one falling apart.

"I need some air." I stand up abruptly almost knocking my chair over. I walk outside. The cold air hits me and I feel relieved. I walk a few feet before sitting down on the curb. I know someone will come looking for me and if I know the girls, it will be Chloe. I place my head in my hands not ready to face Chloe when she asks me if I'm okay.

Someone sits down next to me and I know it's Chloe. She is wearing her favorite perfume. "You okay?" She whispers placing her hand on my back. I can't look at her. If I look at her then I will cry and I'm not crying in front of her again. I stand up trying to get away from her but she follows my lead.

"I can't do this Chloe." I finally shout. She looks taken back by the outburst but yet she still takes a step closer. "We broke up and you have a girlfriend now and I wish I could say I am happy for you but we both know that would be a lie and I don't like lying to you. But I'm not going to sit around and talk like nothing ever happened. I can't pretend that I'm fine. And I guess you are the one to blame for that. You broke every wall I had ever built up and now I can't hide things anymore and I hate it. You pushed me away. You broke me." I feel bad about saying the last part but it's true and I can't sit around pretending I'm okay with any of this. She always wanted me to be honest with her so that's what I'm doing. "Let's just get through the wedding and then we can go back to pretending we don't know each other." I tell her before walking away.