babysitting || cth [book 1]

seventeen;

                  

chapter 17; Intentional Dissonance

C A L U M

Ambulance siren.

Blue and red lights.

The smell of disifectant.

White walls.

Everything was so fucked up.

I hate hospitals. I always did.

And now they are taking my mom through all these tangled corridors, away from me, screaming and trying to keep her alive. If she isn't already gone..

''For fuck's sake!'' I cried out and hit the wall with my fist.

''Stop, you will just hurt yourself!'' I heard her scream as her hands squeezed mine. She always had so soft and warm hands... What the hell am I thinking.

I stared at her for a five seconds, then pushed her away.

''What's the matter anyway?! My mother is fucking dying just few metres far from me and I can't do nothing about it!!'' I pushed her second time and watcher her hit the wall with her back.

''Bro, chill,'' Luke took me by my arm, but I shaked him off.

''How can you even say that Luke? You, who watched your whole family die, right in front of your eyes! Chill? What about you? How you felt--''

''Calum!''

'',when you saw them dead, ha? Calm as fuck? Don't think so.''

With that, I turned my back to them and ran after my mom. I needed to know more. Or just anything. Just a little bit..

B R A Y L E E

''He didn't mean it like that,'' I said towards Luke, looking straight at the place where Calum dissapeard few seconds ago.

He laughed bitterly. ''Yeah, I know. He never do.''

''What about you? Did you hurt yourself?'' His face changed to worried one as he pulled me closer and checked me carefuly like I was supposed to be shattered to thousands pieces or whatever.

''I am fine,'' I half-smiled at him and he did the same. But I could see that it was clearly fake.

''Are you okay, Lukey?'' I placed my hands on his shoulders. Which was kinda difficult when you realise what dwarf I am.

I knew he wasn't. Come on, this boy was at the edge of bursting out crying.

''I am so sorry,'' he whispered. ''I am so sorry for being such a piece of shit this morning. I--''

I throw my arms around his waist and closed the space between us. I felt him shake against me, his tears making my shirt go wet as he burried his face into my neck.

We stood there for what felt like forever, even when Luke's sobbing fadded out. He was still holding me tight, without hint of letting go.

''Hey Luke,'' I patted his back. ''Now I am actually thinking 'bout it, it still hurts.'' My back felt like it's burning, damn. ''Uh, sorry,'' he jumped like a metre far from me. ''Don't you need to see a doctor or something?''

''It's not like I am dying,'' I couldn't help but smile. Then I realised in what situation I just said that and shut up.

''Ugh this is so awkward,'' he hide his face in his hands. ''Now I'm thinking about it, I already cried in front of you for two times today and it's still like 11am. Sorry that I am such a little shit.''

''Oh shut up,'' I ran to him and took a hold of his hands again. ''Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun.The rain doesn't say sorry for falling. Feelings just are,'' at the end, I made a circle with our locked fingers.

He gave me a half smile. ''Iain Thomas?''

I nodded shyly. ''Intentional Dissonance.''

''You are such a deep girl right?'' He grinned.

''Since 1996,'' I gave it back. We started laughing and couldn't stop. It wasn't even that funny, but we just needed a fresh mood. Only in these few hours, too many things happend.

''Would it be pathetic if I kissed you right now?'' He said between chuckling.

''It would if you didn't.''

So he did. He cupped my face and leaned down for a deep and passionate kiss.

Our friend's mother is dying at this moment, he is depressed as hell and what do we do? We kiss.

How do you call this? Despair. The urge to find something happy to overlook the bad things.

''How can you?'' The voice next to us startled me and I pushed Luke away.

I turned to see Calum, standing there with his messy hair and hands hanging hopelessly along his body. But what I noticed at first look were his red eyes and wet trails down his cheeks.

''Calum..'' I whispered but I didn't say anything after that. I knew apologizing was useless.

''What happend?'' Luke asked with worried face, but we both knew.

''She is gone.''

---

Okay this is lame, this Bruke kiss was unnecessary af

but.. it happend guys

Ugh I loved Joy

Anyway, I am ending this at 20th chapter

damn I will miss this fanfic

-Dominika