Unrealistic Reality

Chapter 44: Unrealistic Reality

It was raining and I sat on the porch with all the letters in my hand. There was something odd about them, because at the beginning of every note, the first letter was marked in black. Maybe there was some hidden message in there.

I laid the letters down in the right order and looked at them. I gasped when I saw what it read.

"IT'S CHARLIE"

No, I couldn't believe that. My dad must've been wrong. I shuffled the letters and laid them in other orders a couple of times, but there was no other good sentence. This wasn't true, it has to be a mistake. How could my dad know this? This is not what it seems, it is what my father told me.

But what if it is? What if he really killed my dad? I felt so stupid, falling for a boy who killed my dad. He was so shady, right in front of me. He knew if he made me fall in love with him, I could never kill him.

But then it clicked. All those times when he would say he loved me, no matter what. All those times he asked me if I would stay with him, were only to reassure himself. He doesn't want us to be together, he wanted himself safe.

I felt guilty for that time when I became mad at Jamie for accusing Charlie. The data on that day showed it could've been him, but I knew one hundred percent sure he didn't do it. I never believed he could be the killer, but Jamie did. That's the reason he would talk to me personally about the data, and Charlie didn't knew anything about it.

Even Nathaniel knew something was off about Charlie. Even though he knew him as Samuel, he knew something wasn't right, but because I trusted him, Nathaniel did too. I guess I had left one good thing about my time in that gang. Nathaniel. He was a real friend, and I know that without him, we wouldn't be able to get away from them. I owe him big time.

I made so many sacrifices for Charlie, but he only betrayed me. I did so much, and all he did was killing my dad. On the other hand, I couldn't completely hate him, because he made my life better. He showed me how it felt to be loved. He wanted to help Max blew up Criminal Minds to help me. Only for me.

Max died for me. He made sure I was safe before he blew up Criminal Minds, with all the people in it, himself included. Well, not all of them. Blaze, Elliot, Nathaniel, Mark and Grey were able to escape. And I am glad they did.

They were all suspects in our case, and if they would've died, I would never forgive myself, because they didn't do it. I already knew Nathaniel and Elliot didn't do it, but Charlie had me doubting. He had me doubting them, saying it might be them, and perfectly knowing he was the killer.

I hate him for that, for leading me on like that. I hate every single part of him, and yet, I can't find the guts to kill him. I promised myself and Max I would kill the killer, but now that I know who it is, I can't. I can't kill my ex-best friend. I still have a heart, although it doesn't show sometimes.

The letters were completely drowned right now, but I didn't care. I picked them up, and shattered them in a million pieces.
Every

Single

Letter

It felt good, so good, to finally release my anger. There is something that changed me, what made me a stronger person. The only thing that really helped me to get trough of this. It was not Charlie, nor all the things that happened.

It was my determination.

It was everything I stood for.

And now, I am not sure if that is going to help me this time.

Because even though I am a stronger person, and I am not afraid anymore, I can't bring myself to punish him. A piece of me wants to believe he had a good reason, and another part wants to hurt him so bad, but I can't.