The Suicide Equation

Chapter Four - The Game Has a New Player

Sunday night I came home and instantly felt the rush of darkness hit me like a speeding baseball into a catchers glove. It hurt but I managed. I reluctantly went up to my room and listened to Carmine and Tanner all night. They were very loud.

I couldn't sleep but I managed to pass out from exhaustion. I was rudely awoken by Tanner knocking at my door.

"Violet? You up?"

I ignored him.

"Violet?" He opened the door and walked in slowly.

He sat next to me on the bed and shook me awake, gently.

"Violet, it's time to wake up."

"Okay."

"Go downstairs, to the basement, I have a surprise."

I did as told. When I got down there, I was greeted by a man I haven't met before.

"Hi, Violet."

"Hi?"

"You're gonna play the game with him today." Tanner said while getting a camera ready.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"If you don't then the game is gonna get worse."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see. Either play or suffer."

I sat there too tired to think but I continued to argue.

"No! I don't wanna play!"

"This is your last chance Violet!" Tanner was getting very annoyed with me.

"I am not going to play the game, dad!"

"That's it!" He shouted as he slammed the camera down and walked towards me. "I gave you you're chance, no you're gonna pay." He took a handful of my hair and dragged me to the man sitting in the corner of the room. He shoved me into him. "Take her and don't hold back."

I cried out when the man undressed me. Tears streamed down my face the entire time. I closed my eyes and played the game. Tanner filmed it and the mystery man enjoyed playing. Once he won, he set me down, and went up the Tanner. I thought I was done. I was farther from wrong.

"Normally you'd be done but since you've been a bad girl you have to play twice!"

He gripped my hair clenched his teeth. I went to my happy place when I heard the sound of his zipper.

I zoned out during the game. I thought of happy times with my grandma and puppies. I thought of my dolls. I thought of anything that could get me out of this world and into some place better.

"I win, go away Violet."

I went to grab my clothes but he smacked me hand and made me walk away without them. I went to the bathroom. I didn't know how to work our shower but grandma showed me how to work hers. It should be about the same thing

I got in and the water was much too hot but I didn't care. The hot water ran down and burnt me till I was numb. That numbing feeling is what I needed. I felt dirty. The hot water scaled my skin but didn't help me feel clean again.

I sat in the shower and bawled my little eyes out. My eight birthday was tomorrow and I would be able to enjoy I with my grandma. I'd be able to be happy.

I sat until the water turned cold. I got out and stumbled to my room, wet and naked. We didn't have any towels so I sat on my floor until I was dry.

I cried more and more with every minute until my face was just as wet as it was in the shower. My skin burnt and it hurt to move. I didn't wipe the tears away. I wallowed in my sorrow and thought about my life.

I hate my life.

The only way I could cheer up was with the lie I've taught myself.

You're a seven year old girl. You're too little to know right and wrong. You're too little to have an opinion. You're too little to say anything to anyone and be believed. You're just a silly little girl. Everything that's happened is okay. You might not like it or feel comfortable with it, but it's just because you're a silly little girl.

That thought got me through everything until my grandma picked me up the next morning.

"Happy birthday, Violet!"

"Thank you, grandma."

"Today is gonna be great. I'm taking you out to dinner, to the store, and keeping you for two weeks. Two whole weeks. You won't have to go back to that hell hole for fourteen days! Isn't that awesome!?"

"Yeah!" That made all my worries melt away. I was getting two weeks with my grandma. She was my favorite perish so the more time alone with her the better.

We got to her house and Uncle Oli handed me a present. It was full of new clothes, enough to get through the two weeks. He also handed me a strange triangular box.

"Open it, Vi."

I did as told and stared at it.

"What is it, Oli?"

"It's candy! Read the box!"

"Toe-Bill-Er-One?" I struggled to try and pronounce the name.

"Toblerone, Hun. It's really good, try a piece."

I snapped off a strange triangle of chocolate and plopped it into my mouth. I've never tasted something so sweet, so good, so strange.

"What's in it?!"

"I'm not too sure, but the box says 'Almond Nougat and Chocolate', so whatever that means, that's what you're eating."

"I love it!" I exclaimed and hurried for another bite.

I smiled and sat down with my puppies and ate my candy as Char made dinner and Oli went to his room in the basement. This is my happy place. This is my safe place.