The Suicide Equation

Chapter Eighteen - Trust Issues

"Well? What is it?" Shawn demanded impatiently."

I looked him in the eyes and then looked down at my keyboard to avoid seeing him. I wanted to believe him but my past makes me want to believe the others. I truly didn't have a clue.

"You believe them, don't you?" He stated angrily. "Great!"

"N-no, Shawn, I do-"

His words cut mine off like a knife, "You never believe a word a say!"

I looked back up at him and felt my expression go from confusion to sadness.

"Yes I do! I do believe you!"

"Believe what? That I'm not cheating on you, or the other shit I tell you? Do you believe that I love you? Do you believe that you're not fat, stupid, and worthless? Do you believe that you're everything I tell you?"

"Everything, Shawn. Everything. I believe every word." I spoke the truth, I believed him.

"Then why couldn't you tell me that? Huh? Why couldn't you just fucking say 'hey, I know they're lying!' It's that easy!"

He was yelling at me now. It hurt.

"I'm sorry... Really, Shawn.. You've just got to understand that-"

"Understand what? That you don't want to trust me?"

He kept cutting me off and not letting me respond in full sentences. I could get half a thought out before he exploded into another rage. Shawn was furious with me.

"SHAWN, I DO FUCKING BELIEVE YOU, OKAY?" I screamed, "CAN YOU FUCKING LET ME TALK? GOD DAMN!"

Shawn was stunned and only stared at me for a few seconds before he let his head fall. He looked down at his keyboard and refused to make eye contact with me.

"G-G-good..." He stuttered, "I'm glad you b-believe me..."

"Of course I believe you, Shawn. Are you going to let me explain why I questioned it at first now?"

He nodded.

"I wanted to believe you right away, I really did, but my past made that impossible. Every single guy or girl I've been with has hurt me in a way. The majority of them cheated on me. They'd get with me just to fuck me and then they'd tell me a week later they were using me and had a different girl they were with," His head started to raise as I spoke. "Or worse, there's been three different times where I've walked in on it. I remember walking into Craig's house just to see him on top of another girl, making out with her, with his hands under her skirt. I remember leaving Maggie's house and coming back a few hours later to grab my phone charger. I let myself in and she was butt naked on her bed with a girl and a guy from around the trailer park. She didn't bother to apologize. They didn't bother to stop. Hell, the worst time is when I walked in on Damien fucking Bridget. She was one of my closest friends and she set me up with Damien. " Shawn's eyes were wide and focused on me. He ignored the world just to hear me out. "So can you kind of understand why I had my doubts about you? It's happened so many times that it wouldn't shock me if it happened again."

"I don't know what to say... That's just... Terrible... I'm so sorry people have treated you like that, Violet. That's not okay at all. You're so much better then any other person there is and if they can't see that then they deserve those cheap, STD filled whores instead of you any day."

I smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry for not believing you immediately, Babe."

"Violet don't apologize. It's okay. I understand now, I shouldn't of blown up on you. That was a dick move. I didn't even let you explain yourself."

"It's okay baby, I wouldn't gotten frustrated too."

We kept talking and apologizing to each other for an hour. I was sure he didn't cheat on me. I believed everything he said. He hung up the call to head to the store so I started thinking.

He's only ever done me wrong once.

I thought to myself.

He's only ever broken my heart once and he's only ever used me once. He apologized for it and even cried about it. He knew he messed up and really felt bad about it.

I started to form an opinion as I thought about Shawn.

Shawn is different. He is nothing like anyone I've been with, no matter how badly I want to believe that he is exactly like them; He's not. Plain and simple. Shawn is a good guy with genuine feelings about me. He actually loves me...

I smiled at the realization that Shawn truly love me. He said it more than a hundred times a day just to make sure I knew. I've heard more "I love you"s from Shawn then I have from my own family.

He really loves me and I'm crazy about him. I love him more then anything else. He is my light in the darkness, he is my guardian angel, he's my knight in shining tinfoil, he's mine.

I had a large, toothy grin painted across my entire face that screamed happiness. I had never felt so loved before. I've never felt like this for anyone else.

He's the Tate to my Violet. I giggled at the irony.

. He's the Jack to my Rose. He's the Romeo to my Juliet. Shawn is mine. Forever.

I never stopped smiling. I fell asleep with him on my mind and dreamt of him all night. I was madly in love with this boy.