The Suicide Equation

Chapter Six - Tanner's Game Has Changed

"Vioooooolet," he said while he licked his lips, "Oh, Vioooolet. Don't sit there and hide from Daddy."

I was terrified, I was shaking. I didn't know what to do. I looked down at my knees and tried to hide myself from him. I tried to block everything out.

It didn't work.

He picked me up and tossed me onto the bed and stared down at me. His eyes locked with my and I could see his intentions. Tanner wanted to play the game again, and like always, I didn't have a choice. I scooted to the headboard and sat against it in the same ball shape I did in the corner. He walked around the side of the bed and forced me to open up.

"Oh, Violet, won't you make this easy for me? Won't you partake in the game?" He asked very playfully as if that's all this way to him; An actual game.

"N-no.. I don't want to.. I'm eight years old now, I can choose to not play."

I tried, I really did. I tried to not let him open me up when I was in a ball and I tried to not let him get to me, it didn't work. He still managed to get out of a ball and he still manage to get my clothes off.

I hated feeling like this. I felt so exposed. I felt so open. I didn't like it. I wanted to hide away everything inside as deep as it can go and lock it away in the most secure vault there is.

I struggled as much as I could. I kicked, screamed, flailed my arms, and bit him. All he did was pin me down and cover my mouth after putting on a thick glove.

"Stop squirming, your mother is drunk, she can't come here. Make this easy, won't you?"

I shook my head violently. I screamed as loud as my tiny lungs could allow me to but all that escaped my body was no more then a whisper cut down to a frequency almost inaudible to anyone in the room. I tried to use all of my strength to push him off of me but he just held me down harder.

The same sound of his zipper that I heard last time was enough to make me cry. I hated this feeling. I felt dirty, I felt used.

He kept playing the game for an hour. An hour! It felt like forever. I was so sore when he finally let me go. When he left the room I just lied there and stared up at my ceiling.

This is it. This is my life. This is how I'm destined to live. I can escape to grandma's house every so often and be happy but I will always end up here. I'll end up naked, being used for as a pawn in Tanner's game.. He's no longer a father to me. He's now just a cruel, evil man. He doesn't love me, and I'm sure he doesn't love my mother. He only wants to use me. He bought my trust and has killed it. He has used me one to many times. I need to tell somebody. I don't care what he does to me, I'm telling mom tomorrow. Tanner has to leave the house to get more computer supplies so I can go to her and be safe and tell her everything.

I smiled with my decision. Once more, I got up, shakily walked to the bathroom, turned the water on, and sat in the corner of the shower. I bawled my little eyes out again. This was just a daily routine that'll be ending tomorrow.

The heat of the water against my skin made me feel numb. This feeling is what I'd long for I the upcoming years of my life. I'd grow to learn that the only time you can feel happy is when you can feel nothing at all. It's a shame I started to learn that at such a young age.

I got out of the shower and walked downstairs for dinner. Of course, Tanner are everything he made. My mother was passed out on the couch, drunk. I went to the fridge and got a bottle of water and went upstairs.

I didn't come out until I heard Tanner leave the following morning. I confidently walked downstairs and up to my mother. She looked at me in her daze and raised an eyebrow.

"Wha do ya wan?" She asked, slurring her words.

"Mommy, Tanner has been playing a game with me everyday." I said.

"I know, Sims. We all play it sometimes."

"No, no. He says this game goes like this: You have to touch the other player. To win, you touch them in their 'spot', their 'spot' is what is covered up by their undies. He plays with me everyday. He pulls my clothes off and touches me all over and puts himself inside of me. I hate it, Mommy. He says it's okay. He let a friend do it too. I hate it, I really do! It isn't okay, right? He said it is because he's a grown adult and I'm only a little kid so I can't decide what's right or wrong but him doing this feels wrong! He's a bad man!" I looked at her with my eyes wide and hoping she listened.

She looked at me, raised an eyebrow, smacked me, and said "Bitch! Tanner would never do anything like that! He is a sweetheart, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, he'd never touch your little behind, he has your momma's big ol' ass. What's he need you for? Run along and keep your lies to yourself, Violet. Go to your room. You're grounded. Tomorrow you'll learn to clean the house and then clean everyday for a week."

I was dumbfounded. Her words struck me like her hand did across my face. I don't know what stung more. The fact my own mother didn't believe that I've been raped repeatedly by her boyfriend, or the actual smack from her hand. My cheek stung and was red for an hour.

I retreated to my room, threw my face into the pillow, and screamed. I broke down crying.

This really is my life.