The Suicide Equation

Chapter Five - Welcome Home

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Violet, happy birthday to you!" Grandma Char and Uncle Oli sang to me as I got ready to blow out the candles of my pink and white, rectangular cake. I blew them out and made a wish. I wished for this feeling to happen for the rest of my life. Happiness, that's what I wished for.

I looked up at the two people I considered to be more family than my mother and her boyfriend and smiled very wide.

"I love you two." I said with a tear starting to form.

"We love you too." They said together.

We all hugged and had some of the cake. I chose to have cake before dinner, because it's my birthday, I choose how it works. I also get to choose where we go to dinner, so we're going to Big Boy.

We all go in the car and left the animals with their own piece of cake. I was so excited. I haven't been out to eat since my last birthday. I went to the same restaurant every year since my sixth birthday. I get the same meal too. Spaghetti with the cheesy garlic bread.

I was practically bouncing up and down in the back seat of the van with anticipation and excitement of my upcoming meal. I had no worries. Everything was pure bliss. That was until the memory hit me.

Just remembering my last few days killed the mood entirely. I remembered every cringing moment. I could feel everything. My wrist felt like they were being gripped and my hair felt like it was being pulled out of my head. I felt the tears the streamed down my face and I could hear them yelling at me.

Shut up you little bitch. It's all part of the game. Stop crying before we give you something to cry about.

Every terrifying moment flooded back to me at once and I broke down. My uncle looked back and asked what was wrong. My heart stopped beating for a second; I couldn't tell him the truth, Tanner would hurt me, but telling the truth could save me, what do I do?

I made up my mind and lied through my teeth and forced myself to smile. "I'm just so happy you guys are doing this for me, it means a lot. Mom and Tanner wouldn't do this."

"Well Hun, that's because your Mom and Tanner are assholes."

My grandma butted in, "Oliver! Don't say that to her!"

"Well it's true, ain't it?"

"Yes it is but shouldn't she not hear that kind of language?"

"Char, with your mouth, she's bound to hear it."

"Well fuck a duck... You're right. Don't tell your mom though, Violet, but you can talk just like the grown ups over here, okay?"

"Okay, grandma."

I shuddered with the memories still on repeat in my mind. It's like I was a clip from a movie that was playing over and over and just wouldn't stop. It was terrifying. That happened to me, but it's all part of the game.

"We're here!" Oli said trying to get me excited. It worked.

I forgot my life and had fun. I was able to block everything out and just enjoy life. I ordered my favorite meal and wolfed it down in minutes. I looked at my family with noodles and spaghetti sauce on my chin and smiled like an idiot.

"Thank you guys!" I said with bits of food falling from my mouth.

The giggled and said you're welcome.

I loved these two more then I loved my mother.

The two weeks went by super quick. I didn't realize life actually went by fast if you were enjoying it. I dreaded going home. I begged and pleaded to stay but all I got was one final night.

When I went up to the door I could see Tanner looking at me through the window. My heart sank to my stomach and I felt the two twist and turn into an knot so tight it could never be untied. I lowered my head and walked back through the gates of hell.

I cried as I waved goodbye to my grandma and uncle.

"Welcome home, Viooooolet." Tanner said. The dragging out of the letter o made it sound devious. I tensed up.

"Hi.." I said reluctantly.

"What's the matter? Aren't you happy to see daddy?" He asked as a smirk grew on his face and an eye brow raised.

"No.. I missed you. I'm happy to see you.." I lied again. I felt like I was learning how to do it.

I lifted my head and looked at him and smiled.

"Good, because daddy missed you to. We haven got to play our game in sooooo long. We're gonna have to play an extra fun round tonight." His smirk was in full effect and it scared me down to the depths of my tiny soul.

I shook and fled up to my room. My mother stopped me at the stairs.

"Well hello to you too, kiddo."

"Hi, mom.."

"You know, I didn't want you to stay there. Tanner made it so you could."

I looked at her and then back at Tanner. I suspected she was lying but I just went with it.

"Oh, really? Why?"

"Because, I don't like my mother. I don't want you around her. She's a bad influence."

I giggled at the comment.

She's a bad influence? Look at yourself. You sleep around, get drunk, never bathe or clean, never feed me, and got together with the most toxic person. She's the bad influence? Stupid.

I marched my now eight year old self up the stairs. Tanner followed. He told my mom he was giving me my birthday present.

I walked in and he followed and shut the door behind us. He locked it and closed the curtains in the window. He looked at me and I hunkered down into the corner of my room.