Letters

Letter 18

Dear Louis,

The storm cleared up today. The clouds were blown away and sky started turning to a lighter shade of blue. Harry saw me looking at the sky and told me the same is going to happen to my life too. The bad memories will slowly fade away and I'll wake up on a sunny morning to a beautiful life. I closed my eyes and wished it was all true.

When I made a short trip to your family's home, I met your mom for the first time after that incident. Her eyes aren't as bright they used to be. She looks so tired yet she smiled at me when I met her today. The first thing she did was hug me. She treats like I'm her own child. Your family is wonderful, Louis. I love how they have all accepted me. Your sisters have always been so supportive. We had a quiet lunch at her home today. I still remember how we used have these lunches there almost every month. It was so much fun to see you and your family sit, catch up on things and laugh together. We have so many great memories with them.

I saw Lottie crying quietly in a corner. When I went closer, I saw that she was looking at a picture of hers with you where you're both pulling funny faces. I immediately engulfed her in my arms and she let out a sob. She cried for some time on my shoulder and I couldn't help but, shed a few tears too. After she calmed down, I took her to her room and asked her to sleep for a while to make her feel better when she gets up.

Every single person in this house is broken. They might smile and try to conceal it but, I feel it. Your mother was devastated that day. I don't want to think about it.
I want to comfort all these people; I want them to realize that I'm there for them.
They're my family too. I want to protect the ones you loved. They have loved me and accepted me like I am. I haven't been forced by them to change myself for being suitable for you even though deep down I know I didn't deserve you.

You have always been our sunshine, our only way to get through the darkest times. Light seems to touch the edge of my life and go back; it never touches me. Never. I wonder if I would spend my entire life being enveloped in the shadows of the past I wish I didn't have.

I sometimes think that if I was ever given a way to go back in time, I would have never let you leave home that night. Nothing would have changed then. We could have lived the life we always dreamt of. You could have told me about your plans and I would have had a chance to tell you that I love you as much as you did. Maybe even more. But, that would never happen. The separation is permanent.

I don't want to live this life but, Harry says I have to. He says these are the times when we're "tested" and I have to stay strong to fight. He has such a positive outlook towards life. I have to admit; he has kept himself together and tried to help others too. He was devastated, completely devastated by his best friend's death. He couldn't stop crying for two days. I have always seen him smiling his signature cheeky smile. Seeing him cry broke my heart. But, he pulled himself together and did his best to help me. I had always admired your friendship with him and the other boys. Little did I know that they would be the ones making my life bearable while all I want to do is to end everything.

Speaking of Harry, he drove me to your family's house and took me back home too. I let him stay tonight since it was dark by the time we came back. I don't have nightmares when he's around even though he sleeps in the living room, I don't know why.

My life is no less than a nightmare though.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

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