Letters

Letter 27

Dear Louis,

I won't ever break the promise I made to you-the promise of taking care of myself. I'm not going to let myself break. It's like I'm stuck in an ocean, trapped in the waves of blue. Once the rain beats down, it's harder. But, I'm trying to stay afloat. I hope you're proud of me.

"Crying won't get you anywhere. The tears of salt and regrets that are glistening on your cheeks right now are only going to make you weak. Pick yourself up, one day all your broken pieces will find somebody else's and kiss their way back to happiness. You might not want to believe all the things I have to say right now but, you'll see the truth in them soon." –Another little philosophy lesson from Harry. I'm genuinely surprised how he isn't fed up with me just like everyone else.

I'm so filled up with fear and confusion; it won't let me think straight. I climb up a few steps and stumble back down with new scars.

My bad mood has made me really lazy-I don't leave the couch after I come from work. He's just so caring that he makes the dinner or at least orders it because he knows that if he doesn't do anything I would sleep without eating and I won't mind it either. When I want to share stories, talk about my day or just cry, he's always there for me like I wouldn't even have to look for him. I just have to call him once and he would drop everything to come.

My life is easier now. I finish my day without tearing up but, on some days I'm too depressed to leave the house so, I just call in sick for the day. People from work know about my condition, even my boss is considerate. He yells a little less now, he talks to me softly and keeps a tab on how much stuff I have to do and if it's too much, he hands over the half of it to somebody else. I'm grateful for all the people around me who have been so supportive. Some of them have given up on me, deciding that I'm officially destroyed and I would disappear from the scene in some time because they assume that I won't make it till long and be the depressed lady forever. I'm doing my best to prove them wrong but, the thing is- I miss you too much.

I'm not sure of what I might end up doing with my life but, I want to be happy. It's impossible for me to feel happy or whole now. You can't be glad when you're missing a piece of yours but, I wish I could believe in Harry's words.

I hope you find peace but, I'm unable to do so.

Remembering how I used to find comfort in your voice when you sung to me while I slept or how you stroked my hair in the morning when I woke up, is like living a life I think I never had. It's been forever since I felt you beside me and it scares me to think that I still have a long way to go.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

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