Letters

Letter 32

Dear Louis,

I'm beginning to leave all the nightmares behind. It's getting better; I grow a little more each day into a braver and stronger person you always wanted me to be.

Last night I had a dream about you. It was more like a flashback. It took me back to the first time I saw you. I remember how your lips were curled up in a beautiful smile when you shook my hand. Back then, we were nothing more than just colleagues.

I never knew that you would mean so much to me during those days but, I have to admit I might have had a little crush on you from the very first day I saw you.

The way you laughed, your eyes; everything seemed to pull me towards you.

But, of course I was scared to tell you first. I never thought someone as perfect as you could be mine.

I used to stay up late and think about you. I couldn't help it; you were just so beautiful.

I fantasized about dating you and imagining what it would feel like you to kiss you before we go to sleep and wake up next to you.

We didn't talk often but, when we did, it set sparks rushing through my veins and butterflies in my stomach.

You know what was the happiest day in my life?
It was the day when I realized that I wasn't the only one in love;
my feelings were reciprocated.

I was so happy when I came to know that you felt the same way I did.

A day came, when you asked me out and I agreed embarrassingly quick; you let out an adorable chuckle when you noticed my crimsoning cheeks.

And the rest is history- a beautiful one; not in black and white but, in all the hues of rainbow.

I'm just replaying the beautiful memories you and I shared.

Harry acted a little weird today and when I asked him what was wrong, he wouldn't tell me. He said he feels guilty for not being able to be a good and faithful friend.

But, that isn't why I am writing this letter.

I don't know where to start. I feel bad about what I did but, at the same time I don't regret it.

There's this heavy, feeling of sinking at the pit of my stomach weighing down with guilt. It's like I did something wrong but, deep down I know it isn't.

Yesterday, I went up to the terrace and Harry just so happened to be there at the same time. In a matter of seconds, we were talking and laughing.

After a while, Harry said something that made my breathing hitch then and there. He slurred some of his words since he was drunk but, sober enough to make sense out of things that were happening.

He leaned in and whispered shakily into my ears that he loved me.

I didn't know what to say; I just gaped at him as he leaned further down, caressing my chin in his hands. He traced my cheekbones with his long fingers as a smug smile played over his lips while his uneven breaths came closer to my lips.

His other hand was wrapped around my waist. His lips touched mine and I just stood there breathlessly; my head was spinning with too many emotions. In that moment, I didn't know what took over me but, I placed myself closer to him and let him kiss me.

I pulled away seconds after our lips attached and practically raced to my home and cried for hours.

My feelings are confusing, Louis. I don't know what to do.
This feels wrong in so many ways but, I still let him kiss me.

He was such a good friend; will this spoil things between us?
Was this just a drunken mistake? Will he even remember it?

This feels so bad; it feels like I'm bring unfaithful to you.
I don't know what to do.

But, I want you to know -
I would love you until my last breathe.
I would love you until I see you again.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

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Thank you for reading! :)