Letters

Letter 22

Dear Louis,

I loved how I didn't have to worry about losing myself; I could find the purpose behind my life right there in your eyes.
I assume thinking in this way about my life makes it even more painful than it already is. Maybe it's the therapy sessions or maybe it's just Harry, I do feel like that I could change my ways and see how it goes.
I know it's silly of me to hope that someday we'll live the life I have always dreamt of but, maybe I could just make my life a little less painful?
Maybe I could hurt myself a little less?

I don't want anything too big; I just want a life I don't want to run away from. As much as I hate to admit it; after losing you I have forgotten how to love myself.
I think it just takes someone to make you realize that you're worth loving. I still have nightmares but, the good thing is that they are not getting worse and I'm beginning to have less suicidal thoughts. I still have a long way to go but, at least I started on my path. People thought that this was it- I was going to put an end to my life but, I have a lot to prove.

I'm thankful for all the people you left me surrounded with. If it wasn't for you; I won't have anybody to support me except my family. Your friends are an integral part of my day, especially Harry; he's always calling to make sure that I reached home safely. I don't know what I did to deserve so much love and affection. I hope that someday they would know how much they mean to me.
Just like every night I'm going to kiss my tattoo and close my eyes not afraid of the day I have ahead.

Thank you for teaching me love isn't all about pain even though it does seem like it is.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

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