Letters

Letter 19

Dear Louis,

I've been thinking about how our love has been tested in all ways. We didn't have it all good when you were here. We had our rough patches, everyone has those. The flaws, they were necessary for us to know what a perfect relationship should be like. Eventually, we became better. We grew as individuals, together. We knew how to make it through the world while sticking together and loving each other endlessly. But, now my life has bigger problems. It's not "us" anymore. It's just me. I'll never be able to move on with my life and seek for new experiences or joy. I think I'm going to have to learn to live the way my life is. I can't keep making myself believe in a beautiful lie that is- we'll soon be together. I need to stop feeding myself with false hope but, I also can't get over the bitter truth that our love wasn't strong enough to make you stay.

I can't explain my own feelings to myself at the moment. I don't know why I write these letters to you. It's not like you're going to read them anyway, you're far out of my reach. But, these will always keep you alive in my thoughts, in my heart and in this cold home.

It's hard to get rid of things marked on your skin, be it a tattoo or a simple kiss of a promise. You simply can't run away from your past like it never existed. I can't. My nightmares feel life they have come to life and they might put me to sleep forever. I want to fight back but, I just don't know how to. Harry said I got to keep holding on; something that truly lifts my spirits would surely come my way. It could be a person, a friend or anything. I'm yet to find about his theory behind it because "holding on" feels like slowly melting and falling into pieces while waiting for death.

I'm just going to be around, do my job and try the best to not to kill myself. I want to know if I can make it through. I just have lost hope. There's got to be something that will help me keep myself together, I just have to look for that when it isn't dark.

I still love you even though you took all I had away with you.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

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Thank you. :)