Letters

Letter 30

Dear Louis,

To me Louis, you have always been someone more than just a person I opened my heart to.

Thinking about the day when I lost you still makes me lose the control I pretend to have on my life. I remember the day you left, you drew in a breath and pulled away from all the velvet between us, ran a hand along my skin saying it was as blue as ever.

As the water touched the shore, we grew apart.
Every wish upon the dimming stars and all the gambles I played with fate made me realize tonight that how unfortunate we were.
Pale faces, cold hands and fiery eyes.

I've always wished for you but, I no longer stay up nights thinking about
how the excess love I had for you has been tearing me apart, stitch by stitch
and guess what?
I'm alright even though my fragile dreams are no longer the same piece
of tainted ice crystal at least; now, I know how to keep myself together.

I don't cry anymore, in fact I can't cry anymore.
It's like all my tears dried for good.

Picturing my life without you will continue to shatter me for the rest of the days I have but, now I'm not letting myself float around this universe made up of millions of strange smiles and charcoal lines without a purpose.

I know what I would do for the rest of my life. I have a passion, Louis. I guess I'm not completely worthless.
Remember how I told you I want to travel the whole world with you?
I'm going to have to do it alone but, I'll do it as soon as I heal and learn to feel alive again. It's not easy after you have lost the reason your heart beats for but, I still try.

I miss you and I miss you bad but, trust me I no longer feel the urge to end my life.
I do some stuff to keep you off my mind but, none of it really works. You're always somewhere in my mind, smiling and calling my name like your eyes have never feared death.

I have made a lot of progress and I'm proud of myself, it's something that hasn't happened to me in a lot of time. Dr. Green said she loves how I'm doing my best to embrace the changes in my life. She says I need to meet new people, find a passion, love what I do and work on getting better.
It's hard to do it alone. That's why Harry's always around.
He would take my hand so that I don't have to go through it all by myself. I wish I could help him too but, I'm pretty unsteady myself, how could I keep him from stumbling down?
I know he won't stumble; he's strong enough to keep me from drowning myself again.

I learnt something really important about myself. I love way too hard. I love so hard, it hurts. But, you were worth the pain.

I hope I make it through the world without falling back down again, wish me luck, angel.

Yours Truly,

Freya.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading. :)

My twitter- ria17sep