Wildest Dreams (Tayvin)

Small Bump

A/N: inspired by a prompt. WARNING: possibly painful themes for some people, so just be cautious....it's sad and I truly wish nobody ever had to go through this type of situation.

TAYLOR POV

7 months ago we were happy, so happy.... Just over 6 months ago it all went wrong.... our lives were shattered

And now I was playing a show on the very day when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and not do anything at all.

This was the 6th postponed date of 13 that I was doing. They were meant to be around 6 months ago but when everything fell apart I just couldn't cope with touring and postponed them till now. They had been going well, with fans all getting really excited and making me happy for once in the last few months. But today was not going to be a good day.

*Flashback*

It was the middle of the night and I was lying in bed with Adam after a show when I felt something weird in my stomach. It was like a tightening and then I felt like I needed to pee. I got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and started to panic when I looked down. There was blood... a lot of it....

"ADAM! Something's wrong!" I screamed, my voice wavering slightly.

"What's up Tay?" Adam said, sleepily as he came to the bathroom door.

"I'm bleeding... like a lot... I think I'm..." I couldn't finish my sentence without breaking down in tears.

Adam was suddenly wide awake. A month ago we had found out that I was pregnant. It was the best day of our lives. A couple of weeks ago we had gone for a first ultrasound and everything became so real.

"Ok.... We should call the doctor." Adam said, quickly grabbing his phone as I sat trying not to cry too much.

The doctor told us to go to the hospital straight away. That's when my worst nightmare became a reality. I had lost the baby.

They said there wasn't anything we could've done to prevent it; it was just one of those things that happens. 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with 85% of those occurring in the first 12 weeks.

I felt it was my fault, and nothing anyone said could make it any better. We had just told our parents and a few friends....Adam had bought a cute Scottish flag onesie....it had become a reality for us...and now it wasn't.

*end of flashback*

I went into a dark place for a couple of months, cancelled all my shows, and just stayed at home. It took a lot of persuasion to get me back on the stage. I blamed myself for everything because I had been performing shows night after night, dancing around and travelling a lot leading up to the miscarriage. Adam had been my rock throughout. He cancelled a large number of his shows too and stayed with me wherever I wanted to be.

It took almost 7 months to get me back on stage.

But tonight was not a night I wanted to perform. Tonight was the one night I didn't want to have to be happy on. Today was what would have been my due date. Adam was currently on the other side of the country, with a festival show he couldn't cancel taking place. I was here alone, or as alone as I ever was on tour.

"Taylor? Sweetie, are you in there?" Mom said from outside the locked dressing room door.

"Yeah...I'm here... I'll be out in a few minutes." I said, trying not to sound like I'd been crying.

I walked over to my dressing table and look at myself. I hadn't slept last night and I had been crying on and off today which made my face look awful, but I didn't really care today.