Wildest Dreams (Tayvin)

I wish

A/N: I've seen this idea floating around on Tumblr and so I wrote it. I was in a good mood, so it went on a little and also it was hard to be sad, but I tried. Let me know if you want the reply part to this (you'll understand when you read it)xo

Adam was in the middle of an Instagram Live video when he got the message, ignoring it until he was finished talking nonsense to his many fans. It was from Conor and wasn't in all caps. EVERY message they sent each other – any of the guys- was in ALL CAPS, unless it was serious....

'Adam. I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5JCFhuRLPI .  It's THE song and it was right after TIWYCF. Dude, watch it. All of it.'

Adam looked at the message for a couple of seconds. He knew she had a show, he knew she would play the song they wrote together. What he hadn't expected was that she'd play Better Man. The song that had haunted his thoughts for a week after he first heard it on the radio. He knew she had written it, within 30 seconds of it playing he knew. But it was a distinctly country song.... and she was trying to distance herself from that genre... or at least she had been when they were together. He'd heard the song, he was ready for it.... or so he thought.

Boy, was he wrong. The song was one thing, but hearing her sing it added a whole other dimension to it. It took him straight back to the night she played him TIWYCF on the piano, the night he would never forget for as long as he lived. He paused the video and closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair. It was as if the inside of his eyelids were screens and all his memories from their time together came back. They streamed through in bright colours, until he neared the end, when they became pastel colours, until there was no colour at all.

"Shit." He said, opening his eyes again.

The words had only breezed over his head before, but now they really sunk in. Every ounce of his body wished he hadn't pushed her away, ignored how she put everything into their relationship, caused her pain.... He wished he hadn't been so petty online, switching opinions and having a go at her because deep down he was missing her and felt betrayed.... when in reality she was the one who should have felt betrayed when he went back on promises and ignored her in favour of his friends and work.

He put the video to play again, having only gotten through 2 minutes of it. He heard the vulnerability seeping through her words. And then she paused. He felt his heart stop as the 4 words hit him.

'You can't say that'

It was so definitive, the slight shake of the head emphasising it further. He could read every emotion passing over her face as she relieved every word she had written. Adam felt it all along with her. No, he couldn't say that, he had barely scratched the surface on the effort he could make.

The crowd cheered, and he could see it boosted her enough to finish the song with her band and back-up singers. Adam took a couple of deep breaths as she song finished, then suddenly felt his fingers typing away on his phone keyboard and looking up more videos from the concert. He watched song after song, Taylor's voice seeping into every pore of his body and reinvigorating him, but his mind kept going back to her performance of Better Man.

He slammed the phone down and turned to his laptop, opening a folder titled 'TIWYCF Raw'. He looked at the files and opened the first one 'T piano'. It was a recording he made when she first played it, knowing from then, without hearing a note, it would be amazing. He needed it tonight. It was comforting, it took him back to over a year earlier, to happier times. He wanted that again so badly, but this was the closest he would get, especially after his anger and competitive personally had gotten the better of him last summer. He sat with his eyes closed, remembering it all too well, trying to keep an ounce of the memory alive.